i hate sleep

no wander i have insomnia whenever i do get any sleep i wake up disappointed that im awake and still in this shithole of an existence i wish ending it was easier i accidentally od’d 5 month back hasnt been a day since that i havnt wished i was alone when it happened i was actually dead and happened to be around people with the means to bring me back dont remember any pain or anything i drifted off and came to in a tub of cold water at least i stopped using shortly after but how i wish i could drift away again never to wake up funny thing is i know ill never take my own life and yet i still want it all to be over is it because im too chicken shit to do it or is it something else