My dark home

I may be just a kid who is just now getting to know what life is to most people & hasn’t even gotten to my teen hood but Im already dead . Its just my body walking with what is left . I hate everyone i hate showing myself . I feel like im just alone in a dark world cornered but its okay ive been here awhile ive made it home . I’ve been here 7 years I saw how life & the world really was but Im stuck here nothing is gonna make me budge from this corner of mine its where my life is . Im just slowly dying in the real world . I’ve already tried taking my life atleast 10 times already . Blades are just too quick and painless . Id just rather carve the scars into myself and make myself feel the pain of living . It may seem painful but to me , its a release bc i know i could hit one spot and end it all . If i do die that way i’ll lay there and think about the good times and apologize to the ones i loved . People didnt make me feel this way . It was the depression and feelings built up from years & i hid that away from everyone being the happy normal girl sure one person knew the real me and they were just like me but they had way more people that cared all i had was them everyone was failing on me i lost trust and love for people and denied the people who tried to help and come into my life . I dont need them , i just need to get life over with . Maybe I’ll finally get my birthday wish this year . Thanks for reading if you decided to stick around and read this worthless text anyways Cx