As you get from the title I am new at this, I don’t really know where to begin. Sorry if it’s hard to understand I’ll do my best to keep it simple.
I’m still in highschool. I have been a cutter or “self-harmer” for about a year, though I have been depressed for years before I starting cutting. I tried to commit suicide a while back. I think about trying again everyday, I just don’t have the courage to try again. I’m afraid of what it will do to the people I leave behind. Life my family but most importantly my bestfriend. She knows about everything that I have told you (and some other details I have left out). I made her promise not to tell anyone, and she has.
I know that she would help me get help if I wanted it, but I’m not sure I do. Part of me thinks that I definitely wants to, but the other part doesn’t want people to know I’m lIke this. I am seen as a strong, brave, and happy person by the people in my life. And I don’t want them to see the real me. I also don’t want pepole to think that I am just wanting attention…
I’m thankful for this site. Reading what everyone else posts helps.
2 comments
You can still be a strong, braver person, and wrestle with pain and depression. It’s brave to consider getting help. And, remember that throughout history, many of the smartest, most creative and accomplished people have suffered from depression and other “mental illnesses.” You are in very, very good company! I am glad you have told your best friend as much as you have. It sounds as if she is a real friend to you. That’s wonderful. I hope that you’ll let her help you find someone to talk with about this. It will help you and your friend too, if you can find someone trained to help, who feels right for you. (And if the first person you see doesn’t feel right, feel free to look around for one that does!)
And please believe you will find more real friends in your future. I look back at high school as an incredibly difficult time. Things will get better. You will find the people who understand you and are ‘your own,’ so to speak, as you follow your path into the wider world.
My best wishes to you.
Thank you Ishmael that means alot. I feel like I’m just falling deeper and deeper into this hole. I haven’t talked to my friend about it as much because I just feel like I talk about it too much. Since I have been talking to her about my problems I have noticed that she has developed some of the same type of things I have, and I feel like I am the cause of it. That’s why I try not to bothe her with my problems. I try to be there for her but it’s so hard when I feel this way