Today has been… well, a day, I guess for lack of a better word. Still struggling to get things figured out.
I’ve made two attempts this year, life is just getting to be too much for me.
It seems like an endless cycle, bouncing from shit job to shit job, never progressing anywhere in life. I’m pushing 30 and I’ve never been in anything resembling a stable relationships, just a long list of failed attempts and missed opportunities. Plenty of people that “Just want to be friends” though. Friends who never call or ask how I am, and who probably wouldn’t notice if I offed myself. Or maybe they would, maybe they’d feel bad for a week or two and then forget. Doesn’t matter, and I don’t care.
I really just wish I weren’t such a coward, then maybe I could sack up and get it over with… I’ll likely still be around tomorrow so feel free to comment or share your thoughts.
7 comments
dude your life aint that bad. atleast you get jobs and get to talk with chicks. I cant get job cause i am autistic and i am so ugly that i get called a perv for just looking at girls. btw whats your reason for suicide? i am gonna do it too in a few days.
Lonely. I’m really, really lonely. I can’t remember the last time someone called just to say hello and my family hardly ever talks to me. My dog, who was really my only true friend in the world, had to be put down two months ago. On top of that I’ve been an abject failure at almost everything I’ve tried and sprinkle a little PTSD in there. It doesn’t make for a pleasant life.
I hear you listless. Life is a real *****. I’m going through a divorce after 24 years of marriage and living with my parents until I find my own place. Feel like a complete failure. Can’t really see myself getting back in the dating game at the age of 51. But then again, you never know when someone will come into your life. Should be really grateful that my parents let me live here, but really I hate it and it only adds to my depression. Have to wait for the divorce settlement to have enough money to move out. Like you, I feel like I could fall off the face of the earth and no one would really notice. As for the coward thing, I hear you there too. I’ve had 2 attempts in the past, really fucked up my kidneys the second time. But seriously Listless as much as we may feel like cowards for not going through with – that’s bullshit. That’s really just this disease of depression telling us that. The truth is that it takes guts to keep on going. Ending it really is the coward’s way. I don’t know if any of this helps Listless, but you’re not alone and I hope you have the strength to carry on.
Listless
“I really just wish I weren’t such a coward”
your not a coward you still have hope even a speck of it is all it takes, that’s what keeps you here.
Suicide attempts are a yearly occurrence for me. I think it’s fear of the unknown that keeps me from actually doing it. I’ve spent more than one night chewing on the end of a gun barrel trying to get drunk enough to pull the trigger… It just seems to me that since the first quarter of my life has been far less than stellar that the rest of it probably won’t be great.
It’s weird how two people can see the same situation so differently. My life at the same age as you are now was very similar. Although I was lonely, unhappy and felt like a failure most of the time, it never made me depressed or suicidal. I was coping with the problems, hoping to find a way out. I finally hit my stride in my mid 30’s, in every way possible. I got better friends, the perfect career, financial independence, house, car, the works. By 36 I had just 4 relationships, the longest was 6 months, and none the last 10 years. I had just given up on love. Then I started seeing the love of my life, completely out of the blue. I had to give up everything in order to keep her. She was my entire life. Then almost 6 years later, she’s gone back to the same man she left to be with me. And now her and her kids pretend I don’t even exist, while I long to be with them every single second of every single day. The point of this story? Sometimes you get what you think you want and need and is missing from your life, but it actually turns out worse. Because now I have severe major depression and I have lost my will to live. Make what you wish out of this.
You shouldn’t call yourself worthless loser. I feel the same way about myself, but it doesn’t do any good to put ourselves down. I feel kinda like you. I had given up hope of ever meeting the right woman and out of the blue, I finally did when I was 25. We were married for 24 years and are now going through a divorce – her choice, she fooled around. We have a 17 year old son together, but I haven’t talked to her in a year although I still have to hear about her from our son. She hates my guts and wants nothing to do with me. I’m more depressed than I’ve ever been in my life. I too have no will to live anymore. I feel hopeless and the meds don’t really seem to help that much. I guess I’m just saying WL that I feel your pain and you’re not alone. I hope somehow, someway it gets better for both of us.