I’ve been thinking a lot lately and maybe life isn’t for everyone. I mean life is too hard for me. I put myself in my parents shoes a thousand times and I just don’t understand why they treat me the way that they do. Even more questioning is why I care about how they feel…but I admit I do care how they feel. I know what it’s like to hurt and I wouldn’t wish that even on those who caused me that pain. And i know that it won’t hurt them.They have other kids and already have grandkids from my half sisters. There is actually no reason for them to be hurt because they never cared about me. I don’t want to get into too many details but I do believe in God. I know it’s not supposed to be my place to decide when I die but I feel like He could forgive me and if not then I can accept that and deal with the consequences.