I am so bipolar.
I have really bad anger problems. Like I get so mad and I feel like I’m such a monster.
I feel so evil on the inside. I’m scared to know what I’m capable of doing.
It’s just that I feel like it takes over me and I can’t control it.
Is it just me? Am I that different?
5 comments
you are very different but you are not much different here
Hi, girl.
We are all, all humans different — so that’s a yes.
I don’t know how old you are, but age can play a role. The human brain isn’t fully developed, especially the area that guides self-control, well into a person’s 20s (yes, lower for some, shorter for others). For each of us, impulse control is a learned skill (as is self-soothing). So may variables exist that can alter the time frame, How were you raised? Were the people who raised you mature, stable adults? You get the picture.
Most people won’t admit this, but MANY of the folks around you are scared of their brains. I have been off and on at times myself. I have spent a lot of time working to understand mine. That has given me more control. Am I “there” yet? Hell, no. My brain thinks what it thinks. Sometimes I figure it out, sometimes I have a “WTF” moment and drop the thought.
Guess my point is: You can take control. Not everyone can GAIN control, but everyone can ATTEMPT control. If you can take acton to end life, you can also take actions to improve it…or have some fun trying, at least?
Hope you’re having a good day.
-DW-
*I mean lower for some, higher for others….sheesh…well, you get the gist, right? Stupid meds! I hate being so sick!
It’s been my experience that the more I try to control life, the harder it kicks me in the groin. I think we all have a degree of bi-polar. I don’t take any meds, but its been suggested I should look into it. If I can roll with it. Accept and don’t fight, don’t think there’s something wrong with me then the lows are low, but at least I’m not adding to it by fighting myself. Maybe there’s nothing wrong with you. Maybe you’re not so different.
What would happen if you stopped believing your thoughts? When you believe your thoughts, you get depressed. When you don’t believe your thoughts, everything’s ok. Everyone on the planet is so entangled in their thinking they can’t breathe or see. So, next time you’re feeling like a monster ask yourself this question; Is this thought true! Really true! 100% true? Step back, take a look and ask. See what happens.
I was quite angry and impulsive in my younger years. I’m a completely different person now. It is something you can master. And it might be something that is gone in a few months.
One thing that always helped me was to remind myself it’s just chemicals. I’ll feel completely different in an hour. And I /usually/ did.