The thing with my look is that it is nerdy but something worse than that. I look fucking retarded that someone could stare at my face and burst out laughing. And it happens. Many times in fact. I get discriminated against SO badly by teachers alot and other people. You can probably say that no, everyone looks beautiful, I think you look okay blah blah. No mine isnt just ugly. I have a severely downward slanting mouth when my face it resting. My eyes are the worst. It is uneven one is upward slanting while the other is upward slanting. I cant even smile properly, my half smile looks horrendous like totally contorted. I have to smile very hard but I really cant hold it for long, and it will immediately transitioned to a resting ***** face.
It is not the fault of one flaw or another, but the combination of both that makes me like the “odd one out”. You may think Im kidding but trust me when you see me, you will fucking understand. My looks is like a piece of flat dough except the dough looks much better.
I tried, I really tried not to focus on my looks. But really, looks doesnt matter is an overstatement. It really does matter. It really does. Or at least one need to have nice smile but I dont have. And I have uneven and very poor facial structure. And it is very glaring whenever I walk past a mirror or someone takes a picture of me.
All my life I have been treated like a nobody and I really try very hard for people to accept my looks. But it is just imposssible to notice. We are still visual creatures and looks still play an important factor. My awkward but attractive sister make more friends more easily and my parents act all surprised. It is just natural and human nature to be more attracted to attractive things.
For me, I can never have that “charisma” or something that makes people really like me. Just yesterday someone took a picture or my resting face and just burst out laughing. I actually dont blame them. Becos I look at them myself and I just completely understand. I really do. All I want is just is to be alone and away from pain. I have been crying and struggling to make friends for the past 12 years.
And I really tried.
2 comments
Sweetie, flaws are flaws. We all have them. Typical saying I know, I know, but darling, it’s true. Don’t worry about the giggles from everyone else. Easier said than done but you have to love yourself. Every flaw, every combination. I’m fat. Not curvy. I’m short, I’m 4′ 11 and fat. I was so insecure about being fat because people would call me it. I realize it, but I embrace it now. I even let my friends ‘joke’ about my silly proportions. When you begin to love yourself, all the comments and laughter just become nothing. Because who are these people to you? Nothing. No ones.
we all have flaws. you are beautiful the way you are . the one who don’t understands this has not brain.