I don’t want to get into who I am or why I’m doing what I’m doing. I am going to kill myself tonight. I have checked into a hotel room and it is on the 11th floor. I’m looking down and it is high, I’m sure high enough to kill myself, but I have no faith in my mortality so I don’t know if jumping from this height would be enough. I am however going to land on my back, with my head tilting down so the brain stem is completly shattered. I also have been trying to get a gun for the last couple days but it’s proven very unreliable so if I am not able to obtain it by tonight, I will just jump. Now what I am asking might belong somewhere else and I don’t know if its against the rules, but do you guys think if I jump off from my 11th floor and land on my head, that would be sufficient to ensure my instantaneous demise? Im going to jump anyway if I cant find a way to the roof, but I’m seriously concerned about sustaining heavy bodily injuries and remaining alive and thereby find it so much more difficult to complete my task. What do you guys think?
I understand many you will write caring and supportive things, and I wont ask you not to do so because i like to believe there is some good left in humanity. So you can excercise your compassion, but it will fall on deaf ears. Cannot help someone who doesnt want to be helped. And I sincerely apologize if I am breaking the rules or offending people with this post. That was not my intention. Please answer soon if anyone can b/c I only have a few hours left.
30 comments
Yeah i’m pretty sure that 11th floor will be enough.I think i read somewhere above 6+ is death and with more floors the chances of deaths increases but don’t take my word for it ;D
And again it is proven the best thing in life is the end of it.
My absolute worst fear is trying to die and ending up paralyzed or totally busted up and having to endure the hospital room and questions from family members or friends. I would say jumping is not the best method. Can you imagine becoming a quadriplegic? Gives me the hee-bee-gee-beez.
http://abc7news.com/news/sf-window-washer-motorist-both-survive-brush-with-death-/405698/
Eleven story fall. Just sayin. I read about a survivor who said on his way down, time slowed way down, and he though, “all these things that seem like problems could all be fixed”.
A whole bunch of leaves are falling, this squirrel is trimming the trees with his fucking teeth. Don’t be these leaves, just buy a bottle of booze. Be the squirrel man.
Likewise, but as a neuroscience student I know the exact area of the head i should hit, and at that velocity it “should” be like a bullet. I should be able to get myself in the proper position, or at least post a do not resucitate sign on my chest. But i think a gun is a better method. and it’s what im attempting to obtain
Hi LT, ok I won’t try to talk you out of it. But I did want to ask: what’s led you to this point? Even in broad terms, it might feel good to get it off your chest, whether or not you decide to go through with your plan afterwards.
As for the fall, that was once my method of choice and I did some research on it. I’m probably not allowed to tell you specifics, but in any case it varies TONS. I’ll never understand how some people can die falling off a step stool while others survive hundreds of feet, or in one famous case a skydiver who fell 2 miles with no chute and lived to joke about it.
What happens is the human body reaches terminal velocity which is about 200 mph, and beyond that it doesn’t matter if you fall 11 floors or 11 miles, the speed & force of impact is the same. That’s still pretty damn fast and I’m baffled that anyone survives it, but apparently many do. In the end I decided against jumping as a method.
Anyway, like I said, if you want to get anything off your chest, there are some great listeners here, and I doubt you’ll find a group of people as sympathetic. You could always polish off those stupid little 3oz bottles of vodka and have some fun here with your last night.
Correction, I meant 200 KPH which is only about 120 mph …basically the speed/force of a head on collision on the highway. Brutal but still too questionable for my coward ass.
Salt, I would actially really like that. People arent very understanding and I actually would like to share my story with you just so one person on this earth knows it. And I actually wont need to jump. I found the more lethal method I was looking for.
I cant get too into details bc they are still painful to bring up, even tho im about to embark on my journey. But I had a fiance a couple years ago. I loved her, love her, and she was my soulmate in every sense of the word. She was such a beautiful and pure soul that i have no idea why she looked into a piece of shit like me. I began being clinically depressed feb, 2012 and the only hing that broke me out of it was I started smoking weed in june. it helped for a while. But I have dysthmia, with reccurent major episodes, back then I didnt understand. One night after fighting with my fiance, when it wasnt her fault but my inability to deal with my illness, I decided it was over. I have a pretty firm belief in what the “afterlife” is, Im not gonna get into it. But I told her that I have decided firmly on killing myself and she said that if im doing it she didnt want to live in this world without me. SO we were gonna be in the next world for all eternity together. I spent a month and a half painstakingly planning it out and my only fear was that i would survive. Anyway, come d-day I had to watch her die first, because she couldnt bear to see me go first, and then i tried to kill myself with the helium hood method. She died withing mins. Here last words to me “I’ll wait for you”. I woke up handcuffed to a hospital bed 15 hours later. Then they put me in jail for assisting her suicide. I got out in june 2013, and since then ive tried very hard to stay bc of my obligations here but I can no longer make herr suffer the exact fate she was trying to avoid in the first place. I cant begin to tell you of the guilt that rages in my soul every day. Honestly i have no idea how ive functioned this long. BUt my gpa in brooklyn college is fine. 3.9. Im very intelligent. And I wanted to make my time here meaningful to make losing her worth something but i know what i will become if i try and that isnt something my wife would ever love. I am going to spend the rest of eternity trying to find her and hope she has the compassion to allow me to show her what ive finally understood. I know that this had to happen for me to be the person I am, and I wouldnt change it only bc now do i truly know the extent my soul needs , her. But I believe ive learned what I was supposed to in surviving. now i am going to go find her. just ordered some room service. hopes its delicious. thank you for reading and i hope i didnt ruin your mood.
Oh my god, LT, you have my highest respect for surviving even this long. I don’t know what to say but you certainly never deserved this sort of pain. And no, you didn’t ruin my mood at all… misery loves company and all that (not in any negative sense, but simply because it’s the only time we don’t feel so alone).
Thank you so much for sharing… Sometimes I imagine years from now, centuries maybe, future generations will study this site and read all our stories and finally begin to understand the human race that they never understood when we were alive. I’m still shaking my head at how they could add insult to your misery by charging you and making you suffer more.
LT my friend, I wish you happy hunting for your lost love. If there’s any sort of fairness in the universe, or even just your luck finally evening out, I hope you’ll be together in peace.
I literally just burst into tears and its the first time ive allowed myself to cry in months. I already know the guilt im going to have for leaving my family but it isnt as devastating as the guilt of killing my soulmate. So even tho im pretty sure, do you think that the 11th floor is enough? I cannot bear to survive this too. Ill understand if you cant answer.
You and me both. I was in the kitchen feeding my dog, thinking about what you’ve been through, what you’re going through tonight, and I just lost it. You didn’t kill her; she made a choice just like each of us faces. Don’t let our disgusting “justice system” convince you otherwise. You have enough of a burden being separated from her, and you certainly don’t need guilt piled on top.
What are your thoughts on the afterlife? Do your views on god figure in? And what about spirits… as in, is it possible that she is sitting with you at this moment? As you might guess, I don’t have any clear thoughts. But since you’ve put so much time and thought into this, I’m sure you have some thoughts?
And yes, I think 11 would do the trick. Do me a favor though… keep an eye out for signs, just in case she’s trying to tell you that it’s not your time?
Well I incorporate quantem mechanics, biocentrism and the all worlds religion as well as a few theories of my own. Keep in mind these are theories. Essentially I believe consciouness is a particle of energy. Following most religions, our souls are eternal. I therefore theorize that since our souls our eternal and infinte, it doesnt matter what god or religion you believe in b.c your soul is essentially that which you seek. The time space continuum theory states that there is an infinte number of universes existing simultaneously. I think ouy soul is in a superposition of two states, just like any quantum particle. The moment out soul came into existence, out subjective conciousness created an infinite sequence of dimensions and tangents. Think of it this way. Every choice you ever made or didnt make, there is a tangent where the opposite occured, just according to the theory of relativity. NOw, I make a substantial leap, as all religions do, and I theorize that our conciousness percieves each independent reality, and when we are within them, we percieve time as temporal. But there is also that superposition that is the encompassment of all the individual infinte realities. The entity, your soul, is existing simultaneously alongside each individual inifite reality. When we die, we enter the superimposed state and we have the knowledge and memories of all of eternity and every life we’ve lived. Then we choose to go into any dimension along space and time in order to be born with no memory and experience everything as if for the first time. See that is why these individual realities are important. I believe we chose them so that we could feel them as if new again. My theories are much more detailed but I am pretty drunk right now so im finding it hard to type. I hope I answered your question at least somewhat
and yes, if i find any sign from my wife that she would rather I remain here, I will heed it.
I follow you… I think. So essentially all of existence & time is already mapped out, maybe like a book. And when we’re alive we are on a particular page, next to all these other parallel pages. We read one word at a time, and that gives us the perception of time & motion, even though the book itself doesn’t move or change.
But what’s the purpose? Or is there a purpose at all? Is this scenario an opportunity to experience an infinite number of realities…. or is it a hell that we are locked in, a labyrinth of universes with no end? You would think that when we die and attain that state of superimposed knowledge of infinite realities, we would never want to go back to just 1. Or maybe that’s just what I’m thinking because I feel like I got stuck with a bad reality.
Anyway, I like your theory (if my understanding is anywhere close) because that would imply that after death there are no regrets, no remorse, no sense of loss, because as bad as we had it in life, it was just 1 possible outcome and not necessarily the real thing. I can certainly go with that.
You pretty much got it Salt. And the purpose is whatever you decide it to be. Many people look outwards for the answer and that is why they never find it. One must truly figure who oneself is and then do the things that you decide for yourself in your own subjective perception are good and make you feel good. that is the purpose. and yes we choose to go into the good ones, but since time isnt temporal, every possible scenario has been occuring from the moment your consiousness came into existence, obviously the universes with immense suffering exist. BUt you know what, without suffering, without pain, we wouldnt know what it is thats good and joyful. And you dont have to experience loss to feel love for something, but your love grows far greater when you are deprived of it. Thereby when you are reunited with it, you feel a joy and appreciation much more immense than can anyone who hasnt suffered. Suffering is only meaningless, if nothing is learned from the experience. That is a quote i made up
your choices, those you make with free will, no matter what tangent, are the purpose.
You wouldnt know where or what time you were in. You could be experiencing this reality for the first time or the millionth time. BUt if you here and you are suffering, that is bc your superimosed state, your soul chose it, and it is so you can percieve the depth of the peace you truly have, but have fooled yourself into believing doesnt exist.
Im very afraid of surviving again but im pretty sure ive got it worked out more perfectly this time.
you wouldnt know where or what time you were in. You could be experiencing this reality for the first time or the millionth time
May you get peace!
Oh dear, that was insanely painful to read. I cannot begin to imagine the pain you are going through. I truly do hope you find what it is you are looking for. True love never dies and that put “even in death our love goes on” into reality. I wish you an eternity of happiness, whatever that may be.
I never wrote anything before though I always read this forum. I never need help once I believe Ive made the most rationale decision. I love to see that many people here do get support and help b/c if you are posting, then you are at least still hoping that there is something out there that can reinstate your faith in living. I just decided to write cuz I figured what the hell. Last couple hours in this dimension so maybe i might as well try to remeber what it feels like to have someone care about you
And it looks like the definte lethal method wont work but im sure if i jump from the 11th floor I will die. But I am going to tape a do not resucitate sign to my chest. and im an organ donor so hopefully tonight will be the last night i have to fight with these demons.
You are going to make an 11 story swan dive in front of people, possibly children, families… What if you take someone else out with you? I doubt that is your intention. But what if it happens?
This will take place around 3 am, when there is the least people traffic. I’ve checked my balcony and the street around it is pretty secure. In any case, if i see people lurking around when I decide to climb up, I will scream at them to get out of the way, and when it is clear, only then will I proceed.
Departure time in less than three hours. Im so excited but still so nervous that I might survive.
Can someone please wish me luck. If you have read this thread then i think you at least understand where Im coming from. I would feel nice knowing some people were rooting for me and I have only a few hours left. If anyone is religious, can you please pray that I will finally be released and allowed at least the oppurtunity to find my wife. I know it may be asking for a lot, but im drunk and I am always more sociable when ive had a bit to drink. actually ive developed a bit of a drinking problem (not anymore). This is the actual real me who only my wife knew and I havent had a chance to outwardly express it since I woke up handcuffed to that hospital bed. PLease wish me luck,
LT, if you read this (whether you’re in this dimension or another), I wish you luck. It may seem hard to believe, but between your inconceivable suffering plus the beautifully optimistic theory you have on existence, you really really affected me. You gave me some of the answers I’ve desperately been searching for. Whether you’re lying on some pavement or still alive and stumbling through life, or moved on to a better dimension where you can finally appreciate happiness after this, I hope you find her and get the peace you deserve.
I don’t know if I’m too late, but I wish you luck and hope you find peace and happiness. You’re story has touched my heart. Thank you for sharing.
Hopefully you’re at peace now lonelytear, in this life, or with your wife.
This is beautiful, sad, and transcendent… and so unexpected I would find this here. Oh, Lonelytear, I wish I could have met you. If you are right about superimposed states despite the obvious tautology that the soul is an observer …and you assume your love for each other is equivalent to entanglement, information would be transmitted in a wavefunction which is a polarized section of a prequantum line bundle over a reduced covariant phase space. Even choosing blind, you have non-finite capacity to explore every non-trivial local geometry or are selecting all non-trivial geometries simultaneously. Regardless, the wavefunction collapses when you have found her. It’s like believing in magic and I hope is true. It would be glorious!