I’m just so fuckin sick of this. Before I met tbis creature, I was happy. My own apartment, job, money in the bank, car , NICE things. I genuinely cared about other people. I would make a lunch to give to whatever homeless person I saw once a week on the way to school. He has taken everything from me. I am just a disobedient dog, fuckin stupid cow, dumb monkey.
I don’t just want to kill myself. I want to throw myself in front of bus/train, anything really. I want to jump out of a building. I want him to see, this is what you did to another human being.
We had a “talk” today. These talks mean I must listen, but not speak, have any facial expressions. I am so stupid, staying here, hoping things will change.
Sitting with his uncle now, his hand on my leg, smiling, calling me babe. Uncle asks me, everyone asks me, are you okay? I’m fine, jist tired. Im tired from being screamed at all night, being kicked off the bed to sleep on the floor. I’m tired from working seven days a week, 10-12 hours a day, but I cant have any of the money in my purse.
And the lies, he has to lie to everyone. The lies are always pointless though. Where we are from, we have kids, we are married, lies about fing everything. I hate lieing, I don’t think there is a reason to lie to anyone, for any reason and I’m horrible at it, but if he tells a lie, ofcourse I don’t know, so I get questions that I don’t know the answers to.
Long story, just to say I’m going to kill myself violently. Until than, I’ll take my screw driver and keep stabbing my legs. If anyone reads this, I know you’re life is probably worse than mine, so I apologize for being a crybaby.
Don’t off yourself today guys, tomorrow might be fabulous.
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4 comments
There is no competition on who’s life is worse, we are all suffering one way or another. I understand hating a person so much you’d hurt yourself to make them suffer. I’m still full of hate towards someone in my life. But I hope you don’t go violently, you deserve a fabulous tomorrow as well.
I realize sometimes the power someone can have over another person can be immense. I read your post and the answer just seems so obvious-leave him, but of course it’s not quite always that easy. He sounds like a horrible scumbag and psychopath. He’s destroying your physically and mentally.
So if someone comes into your life and turns you from being a once happy, productive person to a neurotic wreck, then clearly you need to get that person out of your life and his uncle sounds incredibly creepy. I don’t know what you’ve got yourself into or if you can find a way out.
There was a time I thought I was invincible, that (because of my higher IQ), I knew better than others. And I was making one bad decision after the next-until I hit a brick wall which shook me to my core and I realized my fallibility-I regained my former humility and was open to hearing anyone’s advice, no matter how stupid I thought that person was-because even some of the dumbest people out there can sometimes have some great words of wisdom.
I learned a lot, got my life back in order and was taking the ‘right’ path-as I should’ve from the start. So I don’t know what’s going to shake you out of your thinking-but hopefully you’ll consider my advice and others and make that change. This isn’t rocket science-this guy is a vampire, a parasite who’s sucking the life out of you, get rid of him.
Killing yourself in a violent, symbolic way is not going to make him realize the error of his ways. He’ll spit on your grave and call you weak, pathetic, etc. He hates you already-you can’t win the favor or sympathy of someone who doesn’t respect you. Especially someone who is incapable of caring for others like sociopaths. If anything you should be hurting him instead of yourself.
I definitely wrote that wrong. I meant the guy im dating, not his uncle. I know I have to leave, I know it won’t get better.
Like others, I’m kinda just venting here. Ever want to just take a baseball bat to someones head? I’m hoping that typing this shit out, will keep me from doing more to hurt myself. I have wrote myself emails, had a blog, just fot me. This just feels better. Hopefully it mihht give someone a chuckle, but if not, reading it, the next day, it makes me laugh. I def dont think it would get his sympathy or anything like that. I’m old enough now, to know suicide is selfish, but even if I was COMPLETELY alone, it just wouldn’t work, for whatever reason. I do appreciate your feedback and hope everyone is enjoying their memorial day.
Well you are emotionally attached to him. Women do have this problem when they encounter an agressive guy, it’s not only you, but you need to choose more rationally about your decision.
You feelings towards him can’t be controled, I know, but you can replace him with someone else.
Ditch the zero and stay with the hero.