Sitting here right now, tears running down my face. The feeling in my entier body can only be described as agony. It is always there because i am always alone. No matter who is around, my family, co workers, or the one person in the whole world that i feel I could talk to(but shouldnt, cant put this on her its not fAre to her) can be surrounded by them, and i am completly alone.
Can hear you say it now, call this hotline… what I need is to feel apreciated, accepted, how could someone who dose not know me do that..
Or, see a shrink. Mite as well pay a prostitute to make me feel good. If I have to pay you,, do you really care?
You can say, its because of a abusive childhood, tramatic experiances, addiction problems, ptsd, bi polar, what ever. But after all the fighting, desperately trying to earn respect, and aberrations, constet struggle to feel ok with who i am, I dont want to fight anymore, to get up for what all ways ends in this deep, dark, ever present ake festering tell I cry so hard I vomet, or drink for 2 or 3 days. . .. Cant live like this, in a world that will never except me, be Comfortable with me, for gods sake love me!?
It will not be today, there is to much to-do, will not leave everything to my family. Thinking on my b day, not to far out may have the chance to do a few things I enjoy. But the one thing I want, and could die a happy man, is to be loved, missed, cared for, but 30 years of looking and all I have is pain. So. Much. Pain.
4 comments
I know what it’s like to feel like shit. To feel alone in this shitty ass world. To have no one to talk to because they wouldn’t understand. To keep it all in because you created this image of yourself being the strong one. Because people expect that much from you. Yeah I know, you want someone to care about you and love you and miss you when you’re not around. Someone that will always remember you no matter what wrong doings you did. To feel the pain inside you. Feel this big hole that keeps eating your insides. Yeah, I know what it’s like. Don’t feel alone, you’re not the only one. If you need a friend you can talk to me…….
@justanothergirl09 It’s like you just said how I feel and what I wish I knew how to say.
@cronic Sometimes I wonder if now is the perfect time to die. While people still remember me, still love me. I keep going. Not sure exactly why. I guess it’s because I still help others. I still relate. Doesn’t matter If its a frown or a smile. For me, all I have left is the fight and I just can’t seem to throw in the towel.
Thank you for your kind reply, ranting helped being heard helped. Thank you
Thats so much to suffer, well everyone got their experience and yep seems no one would understand u, and sadly its a truth, smtimes u couldnt just love the kindness of a stranger, at least they tried to care, i feel so much better to talk to them, where my heart is opened up, im here, just in case