How do I do this? How do I say the things I want to? My whole life I’ve been told I come second- to everyone and everything else. Not even second, dead last.
I’ll never be good enough for anyone, no matter what.
I’m just a mistake. A failure. I’ve tried so hard, but I’ll never make it. I’m too lazy and stupid and selfish and stubborn.
I’m not a good person, at least not anymore.
People might have called me kind once upon a time, but that’s long since been replaced by ‘cruel’ and ‘arrogant’.
Heck, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore.
I don’t deserve to live
Everywhere I go I screw up. Everyone I meet learns to resent me.
I’ll never find a job or be able to pay for college. Why should I burden my family any longer?
I’m not saying this to get attention, you can just ignore this if you want.
I just feel like i need to say this. In case I do die, its not their fault.
I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore. I know everything will be so much better without me.
They don’t even need to know I’m dead.
And even if they do find me, it’ll still be better.
They might be sad, sure, but then they’ll see
Its so much better with me gone.
They’ll call me selfish
And stupid
And stubborn.
But it’ll be the last time I’ll hurt them.
2 comments
Hi,
To be honest, I feel you man, IDK how to make you feel better, but i my self ready to take the easy way out, thing that i know for sure is my death wont matter to anyone, they might talk about me for one or two days, then they’ll completely forget that i was even there in the first place. funerals take lot of time and money, so i don’t want to have a funeral, i just want to die and be done with it. I don’t want my funeral to be another burden for my family. my dad recently passed away, now its just my mom and my sis who are left in the family.
its really hard to explain my situation but no matter how hard i try and how well i do, i never get the appreciation. I have a girl friend when I ask some time from her to listen to my problems she keep saying I’m a drama king. I don’t have any real friends, just the ones who comes and goes when the time is right for them, I helped many people but when I need someone to talk to no one is there.
Sometimes I feel like my life is like an amusement park for others where they come to enjoy then crap all around and just leave me with all their trash
I believe you -that you are not doing this for attention. You’re in pain and the contact you have hurts you.
You are not a mistake. You don’t hurt people as you think. We all cause each other pain but I don’t believe the pain you cause is anymore than what they cause you.
I’m sorry you are in so much pain. I am glad you posted this. It shows that you are going through a lot and it seems you have little support. That combination would cause anyone problems.
Can you find someone you trust to talk with? A teacher you trust? A friend’s mother? Anyone in your family? You can share a little with them, to test the waters. You need this kind of support. Too many times people would help if only they knew…
I wish I had words of wisdom to help you, take away the hurt. Search for what you need and don’t give up until you find it. YOU are your own best help.
Hope today is a better day for you!