I’ve noticed that some of the dumbest things can make me feel completely inadequate as a human being. For example..
-I really REALLY suck at folding fitted sheets. I work in housekeeping at a nursing home and I’m in laundry tonight. All I can think about is how awful that stack of sheets looks.
– I have a little extra bounce in my step when I walk. I feel like it’s drawing attention to me so I try WAY too hard to correct it.
– i couldn’t get a bag open wjilebi was checking out at Wal-Mart the other day. I struggled a bit with it because the sides wouldn’t sepparate. I could feel my face heating up.
– when I’m sweeping a floor, I feel like I’m doing it in a weird way so I get really selfconcious when someone walks by. Its a broom. And a dustpan. Not that difficult. ._.
– I have weird taste in music so whenever someone walks into the laundry room with me, I pause it until they’re gone. I feel ridiculous for liking certain songs.
– when I’m driving, I feel like I’m making a weird face or I just generally look awkward so I get a little embarassed when someone looks my way.
All of these things have a way of depressing me in about 2 seconds flat. Am I alone on this? What about you guys? What are your “little things”?
20 comments
Wjilebi? *while I. I’m gonna leave that typo there because that’s another one of my little things.
I get like that sometimes but just know that more than half the time people are not watching .
Lol knowing that doesn’t help… At all really. I still tend to panic.
Lol Sams you need to proceed directly to the comedy club on open mic night and read what you just wrote. It’s pure awesome.
– I share your fitted sheet phobia. I don’t know what sick demon invented fitted sheets. Probably the same one who invented those stupid gloves with the fingers cut off. What’s the point.
– Laptop touchpads. I cannot handle them at all. Something about sliding my finger on a smooth rubbery surface just creeps me the frig out. I end up just sitting there grinding my teeth until someone calls security.
– Crossing the street. How many years have I been alive and not mastered this simple act. It’s even worse when there’s a walk/don’t walk sign because everyone else goes whenever they feel like it, and I feel like a moron for waiting. And of course by the time it switches to walk, I’ve whipped myself into such a panic I’m likely to step on a sewer grate and get stuck in the street and start dialing 911.
– Revolving doors. I know, I just know, if I ever step into one of those diabolical devices, that’s when a flash mob will jump in behind me and push the thing at 80mph and I’ll either get trapped for eternity going round & round, or I’ll try to leap out only to get my face stuck between the glass panes.
So yea, you’re definitely not alone in this. I’m pretty sure I fail at being a human on an hourly basis.
Lmao Oh my god I’m dying. Why are these things so terrifying? Isn’t someone supposed to teach us how to do the “human” thing? Well. Either way, I’m stuck here folding fitted sheets and sweeping all night. Might as well learn to deal with it.
Haha tbh I’ve been sitting here trying to figure out how you could possibly sweep wrong. But yeah, this dumb life needs an instruction manual.
I dunno, man. It just happens. The government and stuff. That’s also why we can’t fold fitted sheets.
It’s very possible to “sweep wrong”.
I’ve done it and I was severely reprimanded. Here’s how to “sweep right” : Make sure that every molecule of dirt that you swept was adequately captured by your acquisition device. If you leave any semblance of disarray on the floor you have failed. Never, ever leave particles on the floor that should have been swept up. (Unless you enjoy getting schooled by the Sweeper Nazis).
Aha! I knew there was a secret. You’re a life saver, Morris.
Definitely the government. They’re probably responsible for you making those uncontrollable weird faces when you drive. Heck whenever I hear the national anthem I forget my name and pee myself. Coincidence… or satellites?
Satellites. What was the name of that song by the dead milkman? All Around The World? I think that was the title. I don’t remember. Lol But yeah. That pretty much sums it up.
I am the most asocial fuck you’re ever likely to meet, which isn’t in itself a bad thing, but the social awkwardness makes it annoying to live in a world where one must engage socially in order to survive. Fuck the group, man. I hope they all get eaten by sharks.
Hell yeah. If I could live without human contact, I would.
Or to put that another way: talking to people. It’s exhausting – when I get exhausted from it, I start saying really stupid things in a last-ditch effort to get people to leave me alone (I think – it’s subconscious, which makes it more dumb).
I feel your pain. It sucks major ass. -_-
One would think sucking major ass would lead to a shit-eating grin, but there doesn’t seem to be any such satisfaction derived.
Yet we persist thinking tomorrow we’ll have more to smile about…
Note to self: If I’m going to continue sucking the great Ass of Life, I should tie a toothbrush and toothpaste to my sleeves like mittens on a kid’s jacket. 😛
– Escalators. I just can’t force myself not to stare at the cracks thinking that my big-assed size 9 shoe is going to get somehow caught by that 1/4″ crack between the steps. I am that stupid shit standing at the top of the Down escalator waiving my foot over the stairs trying to get my timing just right as to not touch the cracks. Been neurotic like that since I was a kid.
– Being around people freaks me out. I dislike people, but then for some reason feel the need to say something to them when our eyes meet. At work I make a total ass of myself because for some reason I talk too much, despite the fact that I dislike all of them. It is this weird social need to somehow blend in by talking, which of course doesn’t work because I know I am talking too much and just annoying the shit out of them.
– Walking. Yea, I’m fat and I hate the thigh rub and jiggle n bounce. I am so damned clumsy that I can trip over the air on the sidewalk, kick the back of my own leg, get my shoe caught in my pants and then go tumbling down face first. I blame the dog a lot for tripping me, but he is just an innocent bystander. I think he is laughing at me most of the time.
This is why I
-never fold sheets
– walk like an old man
– get the cashier to open the bags
– haven’t swept in years
– My music has been independently verified
– I observed F1 World Champion Fernando Alonso and implemented his techniques on overtaking all the slow drivers. We need our own lanes dedicated to people in a hurry.
This one was fun. The funniest part of it was reading that someone else (besides me) gets depressed because of little things that most people would consider minimal or stupid. It’s also one of the reasons why i tend to isolate myself because those things just add up to feeling inadequate.
That bouncing you mention while walking, musical tastes, talking to myself without realizing it (with people around me, i’d also add compulsive humming to that list), washing my hands a gazillion times, etc. I’d take a while on writing all of those down and just thinking about it is making me feel weird, lol.