This happened about a year ago and writing this is part of my therapy. This is the story of my 14 year old daughter’s 2 years before her passing. You should know that Mia did not share anything with me, and the reason I know so much is from reading through her extensive journals, which i did not know about until i found them shortly after her passing. This is Mia’s story;
My daughter’s story starts in seventh grade…. She moved to the state’s most expensive private girls school from a private girls primary school. She was very happy all the way through my primary years from what I can remember and had lots (but mainly two) supportive and loving friends. So she moved to the new school for seventh grade and sat with the what you could say ‘in’ group. Surprisingly they aren’t what you would imagine to be the popular group at a private girls school, at the beiginning… You could say she wasn’t really enjoying it but wasn’t hating it.
She tried to make one or two close friends because that’s what everyone else her group had and thats what she was used to from her previous school. After trying and failing for two terms you could say she was not the happiest person. She eventually settled down with two girls Penelope and Sophie, as a third wheel. Penelope was funny but not particularly nice person unless you were her best friend I had gathered from the short time i had known her. Sophie was a sweet girl that tried to include everyone and on the outside she was kind but on the inside she was like Penelope. Sophie and Penelope were absolutley best friends and has been since 5th grade but from what i can gather had had quite a few fights. Mia and Sophie began to grow closer, much to the dislike of Penelope.
By 4th term she had made a best friend named Cara and they did almost everything together and she invited Mia to het house on weekends and she was very happy. She became so close with Cara and had not realised that her happiness relied on our friendship that she worried whenever she showed signs of becoming friends with anyone, especially Penelope. She had become quite popular in her group with the central group being Mia, Penelope, Cara and Sophie with about 4 other girls that disliked that they we’re so close and envied them. First term of eighth grade was happy for Mia until something extremely tragic happened. She found out that one of her childhood best friends and current close friends from another school had committed suicide. This rocked Mia and I she realised just how horrible girls can be and yet she didn’t cry even though she knew deep down she was devastated. She attended the girls’ invitational funeral and I don’t ever think she forgot about that, for the rest of her short life. She cried for the first time hysterically at the funeral. She got over it faster than I expected.
Soon after Cara and Penelope became very close which saddened Mia very much. Mia and Sophie became very close. A couple of weeks later, Sophie hacked into Penelope’s Facebook account and to Sophie’s surprise Penelope found out. Mia thought it was wrong and for about a week didn’t speak to Sophie and was very mad at her and gossiped about her to Penelope and Cara. About a week later Mia forgave Sophie and became friends again which Cara and Penelope hated. Since this happened towards the end of term Cara and Penelope didn’t speak to Mia for the whole holidays which led her to a depression, she often cried myself to sleep.
Mia returned to school and Sophie and Mia didn’t sit with their group and with other friends they had. This slightly lightened Mia’s mood but those girls still did absolutely horrible things to Mia. Mia would invite them to lunch to help fix things, they said yes and then went without Mia just to upset her. Mia fell into a deep depression and within a few weeks of Penelope and Cara’s meanness mentioned to Sophie that she would rather die than have to go through another 6 months of this fight with her friends. Penelope and Cara were absolutely horrible, horrible girls. They told the rest of her group not to speak to Mia, gave her looks and generally made her feel worthless. This continued for the rest of the term with the only friend she had, Sophie was also becoming sadder by the day.
In the weeks leading up to June 20 Mia seemed the same she ever has, but behind closed doors it was another story. She didn’t sleep and cried every night. Little did I know how sad my little girl had become, she seemed so happy at home. On June 20, Mia was at home and a video was posted on social media from Penelope of Cara saying that Penelope was her best friend. This had severed all hopes of patching up her life and although this video seemed harmless this was the last string for Mia.
On June 20, 2014 my baby ended her life and her relationship with the horrible girls that drove her to do this. I had no idea how unhappy she was and how much she cried herself to sleep, or planned her death. She died peacefully but left the most disturbing note I have ever read in my life, saying that her friends have no right to be upset and no right to cry because this is their fault. My baby Mia, there is nothing I wouldn’t do to hear your sweet, quiet voice again. There is nothing I wouldn’t do to bring you back. I have more regrets than their are sea shells in the sea. You have made a horrible mistake. I love you more than you ever know. You are the most important person to me. I’ll join you soon baby girl. I love you so very much. Your my beautiful angel.
Love Mom. X
For readers information: I chose not to include how Mia died because I know that the people who will read this are contemplating suicide. I know you think there is no one there but there is. Mia thought there was no one but there was me. I assure you that there is someone who will care, and someone who will listen. I also chose not to include Mia’s note because of how very upset it made me and how disturbing it was, and I don’t want you to be more upset than you already are. So please don’t go through with what you plan because I know there will be someone who will care.
5 comments
Beautiful story, sorry for your loss. The last paragraph had me in tears. I wish i could tell you then, what I know now. The severely depressed hide it (extremely) well from those they care about. She probably cared about you a lot. More than a typical teen would ever tell their mother. It’s not your fault.
We are here for you.
After reading this, it makes me wonder how my mother would react, if it were to happen to me.
You sound like a loving and caring mother. I am glad that you do not resent her for all of this and have gone as far as to showing compassion for her situation, and for not being able to tell you all her feelings before her death.
From experience, I can tell you that it is very difficult to confide in your own mother, the one who raised and took care of you the whole time. It is difficult to open up about these issues in general, since it is all so stigmatised, but to tell your own mother would be the hardest. It is, in essence, going against what a mother would have wanted for their child. For their child to have grown up and have a fulfilling life. The guilt must have crushed her a lot before this. I can empathise. This is not your fault. I could never tell my mother about it, even if she were supportive and kind. It is just that difficult to admit something like this to someone so close to you, the one you care about the most. So please, if at any point you blame it all on yourself, don’t. It is easy to fall into a regretful and guilty mindset in this situation.
Lastly, you have my condolences for her death. Keep writing if it is a form of therapy for you.
That is a very moving and tearful story. I wish it didnt have to be this way. You will meet her again one day.
This story is extremely sad. I am sorry for your loss. This also reminds me why I continue to be alive today, for my parents.
It’s so easy to feel isolated and forget that people care. Sometimes there are only a couple, and maybe you don’t even know them, but people do always care. It’s why a site like this exists, to remind people that when you feel most isolated, most alone, and that no one understands, that somewhere out there, there is someone else that knows what you are going through, that there is someone out there who cares. It really is hard sometimes though.
Thank you for sharing your daughter’s story and please, if it helps deal with her loss, know that there are people who are here who are not only going through the pain your daughter went through but that there are some that are going through what you are as well.
For what it’s worth, my condolences. Cherish the memories you have of her and always carry her with you. May those memories give you strength when you miss her the most.
Take care.