In my previous post (my first) I gave my whole story. And…I know I’m committing suicide by overdose. It’s just, the timing is the question. Well…I’m at a family friends house watching their pets while their away for a while. And last night I was in their master bathroom looking for nail clippers because part of my nail got ripped off and I needed to trim it down. In this search I found vials of severe pain medication. One of the vials was opened and some taken out of it. I tried to fight my internal demons, and won…for only a few hours. I used 5 units, or roughly 1/10th of a cc/mL to test it out to see how much it effected me. Now I’m having an internal battle of if I’m going to take the vials or not. If I do, I know I have to commit suicide shortly after because I don’t want to get into trouble for stealing. Then earlier today I was looking for cleaning products to clean up my mess from doing paintings with soft pastels (kind of like chalk) and it’s very very messy. And, I found unused 3 cc/mL syringes. (In my previous post I talked about taking syringes from my previous job and trying to commit suicide by injecting air into my veins. Well, I only have 1 left now because my mom found the others and took them from me because she thought I was using drugs.) I took 2 of the unused ones out of maybe a dozen. But I haven’t taken the vials…yet or if I even take them. It’s just so hard having your demon in your hands, and the bipolar/depression whispering in your ear these sweet seductive things that you know in your heart you shouldn’t do.