The decision to keep going for the hope of a better life even though I have been hopeless for multiple years and staying for the only 2 people that have ever cared about me in my life (my parents) or to be selfish and just enter peace where I end the years of suffering every single second of my life where I am not sleeping. I am tired of crying and just want peace. Decisions, decisions. A decision that will mean life or death.
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Just the same for me, if only we could see the future.
agreed, and good too see im not alone
You’re so right. It’s pretty damn hard to end it, and it’s just as hard to *not* end it. I think a lot of us exist in a weird limbo between the two: not yet willing to die but not exactly living either. Makes me feel like a wuss either way.
agreed. I feel like if I don’t kill myself even though I want too I am a coward but I am also coward if I do.
Now don’t take this the wrong way, I’m not encouraging anyone to do anything. However I know the day that I am serious about ending my life, I’ll follow through. I’ll find a surefire, safe and fairly painless method to make it happen.
Having had some close calls with asphyxiation, I think that’s the route I’ll take. People do it all the time. Think about prisoners who hang themselves, or that little girl who wanted to be with her dad in ‘heaven.’ Once you find a way to make yourself stop breathing, then it’s mission accomplished.
Suicide doesn’t need to be this big dramatic statement, building up courage, agonizing over the decision, etc. If you were serious-you’d do it and get it over with. But again I’m just talking about myself. I’m just glad to know that when and if my life gets unbearable enough, that I can simple pull the trigger and leave. Thank god we’re not immoral beings forced to live in our hellholes.
So it’s given me some peace of mind. While there are times I hate living, I know I have the power to end my life if I really want to. So don’t get hung up on your fears, worries, anxieties, etc. If you really hate your life, there is no way out-there is nothing you can do to make things better, no one can help you, then at least you have that last ace in your pocket you can use.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’ll be a cakewalk, just buy some rope and you’re set. But if you do things the right way as others before you have, then you will get that final peace you want.
immortal (not immoral)
And by asphyxiation I mean with inert gas, so your body still thinks it’s breathing, even though it’s inhaling zero oxygen. If I was really in a tight spot and needed to die soon, then I’d consider drowning or self-strangulation, but probably the latter since it’s less traumatic for those I leave behind. But ideally for me-barring someone giving me a suicide pill, I plan to ‘go’ using ******** or helium.
Crying is so draining. It doesn’t bring that slight sense of relief anymore. I remember not crying, though. I don’t know how this decision is actually made and put into motion. I feel like I’ve made the decision, yet stay stagnant. I truly hope something changes for you and you are no longer hopeless