Lonely

I’ve found that the way people treat you has a great deal to do with how we act towards others. If we come across as needy, pathetic, clingy, etc-it just turns people off.

Most of us live very busy lives so if something or someone becomes a burden to us, that’s an additional ‘tax’ on our life that we’d just rather not deal with. If you want to know why they treat you that way-start with yourself first. What signals are you putting out there that turn people off towards you and make them behave negatively.

I’ve tried on many different ‘hats’ and styles for interacting with others. Most of the time I’m just “myself” which is that I’m reserved, somewhat quiet-but sociable when people interact with me and I crack jokes now and then. The reality is that I’m deeply unhappy and frustrated with my life right now. They might pick it up based on my body language but they can’t pin it down and I never talk about my misery except to very close people like family.

You have to realize you need to wear a mask when you’re ‘out there’, people have their own shit to deal with and don’t want to take on anyone else’s. What they respond to is who can benefit their life in some way. At my work there’s a guy who’s a master with social skills. He treats each person warmly like his best friend-he makes them thing he has a genuine concern about them and their lives-he remembers intimate details and holds their secrets.

At the same time he’s always joking around-you should see how the office changes in a positive way when he’s around-because he knows how to talk to people to get what he wants and the fact that he’s attractive works to his advantage also.

So long story short, if you want to not be lonely, never let people know that you’re desperate for friendship, be a friend to them and they will decide to take it further with you. Also don’t let toxic people stay in your life, get rid of them right away. Worse comes to worst, then learn to be ok even if you are alone. We’ve all been there. I once reached a very low and painful point in my life and subtly let it out to a friend-he didn’t quite get it but he never forgot my state of weakness and I’m glad he didn’t really understand. I was really embarrassed in hindsight and should’ve kept my feelings to myself.

Also do things that get you meeting new people. Take a course in college, join some art class or soccer team. Get involved in something and you’re sure to eventually meet new people.