I’ve never felt like I fit in – lost in a crowded room..
At school I was painfully shy – I wear a mask so no one knows the real me.
But the strangest feeling I’ve had since I can remember is that I feel like I just don’t belong here. Like maybe I was born in the wrong century or country.. I can’t explain it any better than that, but I feel so lost and like I don’t want to be here anymore – Its like I remember something, or someone and I miss them and desperately want to be with them again – but I can’t… I don’t know how to make it better. I just have this profound, unending sadness in the core of my soul and it won’t go away. I am 49 now, and have never felt more lost. I have kids, but no man in my life .. I feel like I’m just done. I’m too sad..
I wasn’t going to bother posting this – but as today wears on.. I feel more and more like cutting again – its ridiculous – to be my age and want to cut – wtf? My mind is tortured and tormented by the past, things I said, did, why won’t it just stop? Why does this drone on day after day – year after year – why can’t I just be over? Wtf am I waiting for – ?
2 comments
age does not matters in cutting! Suffering can come at any age or for all the years. You can try to get some interests and distract yourself
I hear ya. My mind does the same thing. Runs and runs and runs about the past or worrying about the future. It’s good that you notice this. That’s the first step to finding some kind of control over your thinking. hang in, stay strong.