I’ve left my fears behind. Now I’m purely fuelled my anger and sadness. I was never good enough for anyone, and that was okay with me because I didn’t need to be.No, correction. I was never good enough for YOU. You stupid, terrible parents that pushed me to my breaking point and every time I built something for myself, you would knock it down and then ask me why I couldn’t build anything. I didn’t want this life. Everything I did I did for you. Straight As. 4.5 GPA. Getting into one of the top schools in the world. Student council president. Swim team. Band. Carnegie hall. Love was measured my trophies and medals. I never wanted all of this. All I wanted was a normal life where I could hang out with friends, and occasionally sneak out and night to attend some wild party. To get drunk and forget everything that held me down. But no. You made sure that I was kept under lock and key and turned into that perfect little girl you could parade around like a show pony.
But that’s okay because I am willing to make those sacrifices so you guys are happy. What I can’t stand is being awake at 3 AM and not having anybody to talk to because I’m not good enough for anyone. By trying to satisfy your expectations, I was alienated from the rest of my peers. And that was what I couldn’t stand. I was too busy after school to make solid friends. I was too far ahead in my technical ability to make good friends in band. I was too much of a nerd to party with the cool kids. But I haven’t had a bad life by far. I’m in a good school, and I already have scouts wanting me, and a pretty solid career path ahead of me after Law school. I have some friends to sit with, and I got a couple offers to Prom, so I can’t be THAT alienated from the rest of the student body right?
Wrong. When I’ve finally made my decision to do something, or put an end to this miserable life of mine, beauty started appearing. So now I ditch flute class to hang with friends, and skip swim training so that I can play music that I like on the school lawn. It’s all getting better now – the last days or weeks should be the best in your life.
So now my life isn’t a piece of artwork that is conventionally beautiful or mesmerising, but it is different, and it holds meaning to me – I guess that’s the most important thing.