I just got hit with a wave of emotion. I am really hard on myself, it started with spending too much money, then beating myself up, then calling myself a piece of shit. Then in the afternoon today I thought I haven’t spoken to anyone all day. I feel really alone, my life is a mess I don’t see any way out. I need work , I need to get off this small amount of opiates. I need some thing, I need total change but I don’t think its going to happen. I’ve lost every thing to live for and might have to give away my dog. That would be the last straw, I find life cruel not nice but cruel. The last two years have been horrible. I really do want to die cause I prey for a miracle and I wake up and face the same day, it’s just getting harder . I don’t want to tell any one that I just want to suicide. Cage I feel like they will think I’m doing it for attention you know when really it’s how I feel. I need help but I find it hard to reach out . Dyeing seems peaceful cages I don’t want to feel empty like this what the fuck is wrong with me !!! Is it cause I e lost every thing is it cause I see no hope cause all it is is hopelessness. You can only put on a brave face for so long when underneath your dying and no one knows
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Well you gotta get the spending under control-what’s the point of hating yourself after, when you know you’re over your budget?
This was something I had to learn very fast since I live on my own essentially-paying rent/food and so forth. If I don’t have an excess of cash in my account, I’ll be screwed. I’m also at a job that doesn’t pay me all that well, so I have to live in a budget.
One time I got carried away, partying with friends-then I was short the next month. Fortunately I had savings I could dip into-which I usually don’t touch unless there’s an emergency like car repair. Then I realized how little I really make. When I lived with parents, I could spend like crazy cause they paid the bills.
Sounds to me your problems are fairly easy to rectify-just get a job, you’ll be ok financially. Most of your other negative feelings will go away once you’re working and being productive. Been there myself. But now I’m trying to get to the next level, where I can finally make a great income and live as well as my friends do. It’s a big struggle but I know I can do it, I have the education and skills.