Hi, I don’t really know what to do here. I just thought I’ll give this a go and see if it helps how I feel.
Baby steps I think. This is my first post but I surfed around a bit to see what this place is like. Seems like a safe place to voice my thoughts or at least gain some comfort in talking to others? I’m not even sure if I want that but I’m going to try.
I want to share why I’m depressed and suicidal but I don’t think I should. I don’t even know why I’m posting to be honest. I guess it is a coping strategy for pain, with me it is hope. I fall back on hoping something will change and get better. Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn’t. I suppose that’s life. That’s probably why I can’t really kill myself despite wanting to. I’m hoping for change and I suppose hope is a really strong thing to have if that is all that is keeping me alive.
I have friends but I feel disconnected. Like my problems don’t matter in their world and everyone has their own world. That little bubble of things that matter to them, be it people, animals, events and things. I guess I’ve lost my little world and that’s why I’m sad. I can’t identify with it or what matters to what doesn’t matter to me and when I thought I have, it changes? I honestly have no clue anymore.
I’ve noticed I don’t feel a connection to my name either so I come up with loads of random nicknames to find something I connect with. I think I reach a point where that connection runs out and I need a new one.
What do you guys think or have to say about this?
-Mono
4 comments
So far, I will tell you that this sight is a good place to be able to vent your feeling to and get help from others. Also, you can discover many other stories from people all around the world, so it lets us know we are never alone in this internal fight.
About having friends but feeling disconnected, I know exactly what you are talking about. I feel that they would be the first to say they knew me, but I have become so disconnected from them, they probably couldn’t tell you my favorite food without asking someone. Also, I have friends that live far away from me, so I rarely get to talk to them and I feel as if I am barely a part of their life
Now about not feeling connected to your name, that is something I have never heard before. But it makes sense. So if you have to keep coming up with nicknames, then do so that way you will feel connected with one thing.
I hope things go better for you and I am here to talk if you ever need to.
Thank you for posting and sorry I’ve taken some time to reply. I feel like I have no energy to do anything but in this case I just forgot to check back. I didn’t think anyone would message.
I have a few things that are bothering me and I’d love to discuss them with you. Is there a way to message privately on here?
writing what’s on your mind is therapeutic. sometimes it makes you understand, or understand better your situation – for good and bad. keep us posted Mono.
Hi death bunny, thanks for your reply. Sorry I took so long to reply back I forgot to check. I agree with you and that’s why I thought I’d try this. I’m scared. Not really sure what I’m doing or why. I feel really lost. I think it’s mostly because of the things going on around me at the moment. Mostly financial. I’m struggling with pulling myself out of this slump of negative and suicidal thoughts. I thought if I talk about it and notice how often it’s happening I can monitor myself in steering myself towards a happier me. Into changing my life for the better. It’s just so hard when you feel this way. Like stuck in glue or mud and you can either be pulled in or stuck there forever OR fight your way out but it’s so energy draining.