I use the word attempt because I don’t want to succeed.
I’m too weak to actually plan on dying.
But, I feel like if things continue the way they are, then nothing will change.
I’ve been depressed since I was 8 years old, and I’m now 15.
My mum took me to the doctors for low mood and I got referred to counselling.
I haven’t been diagnosed with depression, but there’s no doubt that I have it. I stopped going to counselling because it just wasn’t helping.
I feel like a suicide attempt will mean getting help. I’ve talked to the doctors with my mum three times now and we’re getting nowhere. I have nobody to open up to and even when I did (ie counselling) I physically couldn’t say anything that was really affecting me.
If I attempt suicide, I can show people how much pain I’m in instead of saying it. I’ll be in the hospital and they can help me.
5 comments
There are other ways to get help rather than attempting suicide. While I see your reasoning for it, it really might not be a good idea, honestly.
You could call 911 up. How about, at some point soon, you hold a bottle of pills in your hand, BUT do NOT take any. Rather, call 911 up, and pour your heart out to them. Communicate to them the pain you feel. And if not 911, communicate and show your pain to another adult. A teacher. Even your mother. If conventional methods are not working, step up your game, but DO NOT ACTUALLY HARM YOURSELF, YOU HEAR ME? I WILL NOT FORGIVE YOU IF YOU DO.
SHOW THEM your pain, but DO NOT ACTUALLY HURT YOURSELF. This type of scenario a little mental manipulation can be justified!
That’s the thing, I don’t know how to communicate what I’m feeling in actual words. The things I wouldn’t mind saying over the Internet just get locked in my throat and I can’t say anything in person or over the phone. So I’m not sure how I would mange to call 999 (I’m in the UK) and tell them.
I have emailed The Samaritans before because I knew I wouldn’t be able to talk over the phone. But that didn’t really help. I still didn’t open up about certain situations.
Perhaps you could write it down and hand it to a trusted adult? It’s essentially the same thing as typing an entry like this over the Internet.
Maybe. But then there’s having the guts to hand it over. But thank you.
Of course. I do hope you find something that works for you.