I’m miserable

Hi, call me Olivia (fake name) when I was 8 I was diagnosed with a disease called crohns it has now at 15 I’m depressed. I self harm almost everyday I can’t stop I’m surprised I haven’t been hospitalised because of it. The only thought on my mind is suicide, I attempted it once and I’ve written many notes but I’m too much of a coward to kill myself but hey, maybe that’s a good thing i just… I don’t know what to do anymore!