So I wrote about my first impressions of this site which can be found here; http://suicideproject.org/2015/07/first-impressions/
I thought I’d try to use the site to monitor how I felt and so keep track of my ‘happiness’. Gain some control on how I feel and try to snap out of it. I wonder if others feel the same, stuck in mud?
I say ‘stuck in mud’ but it feels more like quicksand because when you’re stuck in mud your only choices are to either remain stuck and cry out for help or find a way to pull yourself out. The trouble being if you’re not strong enough to pull out and your cries are not being heard, how do you get out of the mud you’re buried to your knees in? Hence quicksand. Falling deeper in because you’re fighting to climb out and losing energy and will.
That’s why I’m trying to find a balance and I think doing this is giving me a slight balance. As a poster said on my first thread an almost ‘therapeutic’ feel from doing this. I titled this post as “Oh shoot” because I didn’t want to swear and then realised it’s slightly humorous in an ironic sense so I kept it.
Basically today I want to post about three things but only briefly. The first is University fees. I have probably £4000 worth of fees to pay by October or I don’t graduate. The second is a lecturer who is having a tough time himself is relying on me for work and I don’t have the energy to do it (it’s already 2 weeks late…there’s that mud feeling). The last is my relationship with my boyfriend. It’s online. It’s hard not only because it’s online but we are both feeling this way. I’m trying to stay positive so I don’t make him worse but I don’t think it’s helping. What do you guys suggest?
Yaay life!