I originally joined this forum seeking advice regarding methods. Then found comfort in posting sadness.
A few weeks later I’m just commenting like a chat forum. Maybe not a few weeks, I’m still new, time drags when you’re miserable.
Why did you join this forum?
Why are you still here?
65 comments
Actually I found this forum in Listverse I think. Or some other top 10 lists. I decided, hey I wanna die! Why not look for a tribe with similar feelings. This is the best forum I ever went too. The douchebag meter is very low to undetectable compared to other sites or forums I been too. I study up on a lot of methods and I do find comfort in typing here. It’s a great site.mi like venting, sharing my thoughts, having rapport with others and giving counsel to people who want to die. I believe that self euthanasia should be a choice. If someone comes in here and talks about dying, I say it’s there choice. If they want to try a method I think will fail, I’ll tell them. Sometimes I ask for advice too,
I’m currently looking for a way to exit this world. But I wanna make sure I do it right the first time. Learned a lot just by reading. Lostallhope provides great info on methods, and so does exit international.
Same, I want a peaceful painless exit.
Well because of that link u posted, I now know to pick a shotgun over a hand gun, not that would.
I’m glad I could help just in case you decide to go that route someday. And remember – 00 buckshot aimed at a 45 degree angle in your mouth
So knowledgeable:) tyty
Your very welcome. I may have to resort to that method someday if I can’t find a better one. I also watched videos on YouTube how bullets penetrate ballistic gel. Gives you a great idea how they interact with flesh
That’s my desperate method. Only need to figure out a way to get hold of one, haven’t looked in to it too seriously tho. Thought about a shooting range, but I want privacy.
I’m lucky enough to live in West Virginia. We have the most lax gun laws in America. I called Gander Mountain about a month ago (a gun shop around here) and asked them what I needed to do to get a gun. They pretty much said I had to fill out a questionnaire and actually gave me the questions I’d have to write down once I got there. It’s gonna be simple really – all I gotta do is go up there, fill out a questionnaire confirming that I have no criminal history, or been hospitalized in a psyche ward and not a sex offender. than they will run an FBI background check. I was very pleased to know that once I get there, I’d totally be qualified to purchase a gun.
I also told them I am on SSI with a representative payee for anxiety but got it under control with medication. and they said it won’t matter as long as I’m not a “crazy person”.
I was relieved knowing that option was open to me.
Happy u have that option. Hopefully we’ll get a less.. violent? method when the time comes.
I joined because no one offline takes the time to truly listen to me and understand my problems. Here, I feel like everyone knows what it’s like to feel hopeless and knows what it’s like to struggle to find a reason to live. They are not getting paid to care…haha.
I guess I’m still here until two things happen. I either get better and be able to live my life or I die. Sometimes only time will tell..
By the way, nice to meet you and welcome. 🙂
Exactly! payed to care! That’s exactly the term I use when describing councilors and psychiatrist. There verbal hookers with no happy ending. I remember back in 2008 my aunt was pushing me to see a counselor to the point where I was getting really pissed. One time I blew up and said “THESE FUCKERS ARE NOTHING BUT VERBAL HOOKERS, WANNA MAKE ME HAPPY? THEN BY TYPE OF HOOKER THAT DOES MORE WITH THERE MOUTH THAN JUST TALK”. I was mad because I knew why I was feeling horroble and the causality of it. She “made” me go. That was also before I got in SSI. I went, listened, didn’t help.
Dang. Can’t believe it’s been 7 years since 2008. I haven’t changed a bit.
*”than buy me a type of hooker that does something more with her mouth than talk”
Verbal hookers? That’s a good name for them..haha. I’ve been in treatment since I was thirteen. Many have seen better results but it’s only worked about 25% for me. That’s mostly because the medication puts me on autopilot so I can get through the day.
I also wouldn’t have gotten SSI without it (even though it was a three year wait.) I’m upset that I can’t work but it helps pay the bills and takes one less worry off the table.
Haha thanks! That’s pretty much the only way I can describe them. Plus there more expensive. Medication is the only thing I got that’s positive out of the whole thing. Without it I’d have panic attacks again. It wouldn’t make me insane to stop taking them or anything, my OCD would come out more and I’d be more on edge.
Thanks. So true, it def helps chatting to like-minded people. And I can’t voice my thoughts to any other without them freaking out.
Here because society doesn’t understand very much, let alone suicide. Especially NOT suicide.
Society = cold, harsh, cruel, judgemental, horrible.
people are for the most part alot better here. Its like we made our own better society on this website
People who haven’t really suffered have an arrogance about them. I call it “the arrogance of the elite”. These “normal” people just can’t tap into the consiousness that we have. They think just because we naturally go against the grains of our society and CULTure, that we are the problem. Or just because we have a solution, like suicide, that is not acceptable by the majority, than its wrong. I could give a crap less whet the majority thinks. The majority can be dead wrong.
People who are depressed, alot of these problems that depressed people suffer are caused by society. Therefore society is ill. But we don’t give medicine to society to treat their ‘fuckedupness’.lol
people blame depressed people. Its their fault for being depressed. They need to be fixed, to ‘fit into’ society. Ah, society needs to be fixed, not the depressed person.
PARENTS DONT GO TO JAIL FOR GIVING BIRTH TO BABIES. EVEN THOUGH THE BABY DIDN’T ASK TO BE BORN!!!!! BUT IF WE WANT TO DIE WE ARE PUNISHED AND JUDGED!!! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!- rant traaaa laaa
Soooo true my friend! All the rejection and hate I got really effected me. If I got love and stability I’d be a different breed of man right now,
I got bullied through most of school, though on the whole, i have parents who care enough to let me stay with them, since i am an adult, there is no law saying they have to provide for me…. Not that i could tell them i want to die, they don’t understand.
I used to want to die because i felt stupid, dumb, useless, mouth breather, and it still sort of is a reason… And, yes, i think i am fucked up. My memory isn’t getting better. I get mind blanks. I cant think… I just…. I hate society too much.
Now, i also don’t like the idea of life. Not even a ‘good’ life. Not even seeing ice trolls in Norway chasing me all over the fjords. Not even with my online boyfriend. Nothing. I am just so uninterested. On top of this, well i did mention i hate society, i hate people, the way they are, cold, harsh, cruel, judgemental…. If you don’t fit society’s standards… Forget it!!!!
People should go and work yet there are politicians getting flights funded off taxpayers. Politicians mostly talk shit and get paid millions. So screw this ‘work hard’ shit… Celebrities get paid millions. I hate money anyway.
People say ‘be yourself’. I say ‘how can you be yourself in a society like this? Just LOOOOOOOOOK!!!’
I know before i have really even lived
…. Its just…. No, no, no, no… Not interested. And even if i was, i would be another victim of society. Bullied at school, surely I’ll get bullied outside of it. And i have, online, anyway….
SORRY, i wrote too much.
What you said is perfect! You wrote exactly how society is, the “be yourself” thing only works if yourself fits into what society deems as normal.
People tell me all the time “make friends, go out more”. I’m like FUCK THAT! I been trying that bullshit all my life. It’s apart of the reason I am the way I am! I totally opted out of society because 99% of the population seems to be piles of horseshit, at least in the way they treated me. I’m done with society, done with there standards etc.
First try to fix your trauma, and second, try to have new friends, but in this order, not the second step first. Listen to me, I helped many people in my life. I can help you if you accept. If you don’t accept, don’t complain to be alone without anyone who cares.
I have been trying to fix my trauma all my life to no avail. I tried to make friends all my life, had s couple good ones back in the day. One got murdered and the rest have wives, kids, and good paying jobs. They ignore me. I’m 31 and don’t have a job, a car, a wife or kids. People my age will ostracize me for that. I could get away with it in my late teens and early 20s, but I’m 31 now. Everyone I grew up with has been a complete success. I don’t trust people enough to make friends because I get rejected time and time again. My situation is very deep, complex, with many facets to it.
Listen to me or stop complaining? That is bordering arrogance. Your insinuating that you have all the answers and if I don’t follow your canon, then it’s my fault. You sent me a video of some woman who got PTSD from being raped. Very serious indeed but how is that suppose to help me? Life is just not that simple.
This further spreads the myth that people’s miserable situation is all there fault.
FrenchyGirl, I know you mean well but life isn’t as simple as you make it out to be. You can’t just “get over things” if that was the case none of us would be here. The mind is far more complex and in depth than just a simple case of black and white, and getting out and just getting over shit. That is no how it works.
Most of us if not all of us have spent a great deal of time paying out shitloads of $$$$ to verbal hookers (I do love that…lol perfect in every way) to try and help us move on, cope, deal, get “better”. It doesn’t happen that way for everyone. Some people have been through so much that no matter how much support, no matter how much love, etc there is, they can’t escape the demons that plagued them. As we have just so recently seen.
I don’t know about you but I don’t want to bury my head and the sand and go LALALALALA and pretend that everything is okay. Because everything is NOT okay and the world isn’t cotton candy, unicorn stickers, and rainbows, it would be nice but that is not reality. Unless you are Lisa Frank.
@ironman
Please, don’t judge me if you don’t know me. I’m certainly not a tralala, and when I say something it’s because I know what I say.
So if I say trauma can be cured, it’s because it’s the reality, don’t want to lie to please anyone. If you don’t know much about psychology, don’t give only an opinon, give an opinion about things you know. I don’t want to be rude or offensive, I hope you won’t take it bad.
@FrenchyGirl I actually I do know a lot more than you think about psychology, as I do hold a degree in it. However I do not believe in all the things I learned in College about it. Its called a matter of opinion. I do know first hand that not everything can be cured. If that was the case all of us that have tried over and over and over and have worked our asses off to overcome our issues would have over come them.
And you ask me not to judge you as I don’t know you; what you have failed to realize is that you do that constantly in many of your post. You judge people constantly. So that is the pot calling the kettle black.
You are constantly acting superior and think you can fix everyone and that it is all black and white. Sorry lovie, that is not how this world works nor the human mind. It would be nice if that were the case but it’s just not.
And I hope you won’t take what I said badly either. 😀 Have a great day!
@ironman22: Not to intrude here, but you say you have a degree on psychology? do you currently work on that field? i’m asking because i’m barely starting studying it (second career for me, 1st year of it) and i was just wondering, you say “I do know first hand that not everything can be cured” (and i do agree). What would you do if you came across one of those cases and you were treating it? (i know there are many branches of psychology, but hey, i just had to ask).
If it’s not on your branch, any opinions? no prob if you don’t want to answer either, but again, just had to ask, haha.
I did a lot of research myself on psychology. Especially so I can do psychoanalysis on myself. Have been for over a decade. I’m also very interested in the field of evolution and natural selection. I learned some pretty hopeless realities though all my reaseaech and self examination.
I currently no long work in that field and with good reason, obviously. LOL I haven’t practiced in about, what has it been, 3 years now? No, 3.5. I just started my second career (it was my minor).
That was actually one of the reasons why I got out of it in the first place. Is because I did have cases that came across my desk and sadly, some of them couldn’t be cured. It was just a matter of trying to keep them going in the motions of life as numb as possible. It was just, wrong. Legally, there is not much you can do. You can keep them on as a patient and keep on listening and either upping their meds (assuming they are on them) or cut them loose. You are so bound up by laws and ethics you almost can’t help the people you really want to help the most. It just broke me, its heart wrenching at times. Again, about the only thing I could do for them morally in a legal sense was to try and help them get through each day in a mindless numbing way. Because lets face it, a lot of us have to be mindlessly numb to get through one more day.
I worked mostly in Child Psychology vs with adults but I did to my share of both.
I guess, I really can’t answer your question the way you would like. All I can, is sometimes, there is only so much you can do. My advice though, you are going to hear some horrible stories and you are going to get to know these people personally and if you are any good at your job, it will get to you. Remember that. If you honestly care it will get to you but I do have to say that you have to learn to build a wall between you and them, to a degree. But don’t become what so many of us become like, cold, barely listening, and more or less unfeeling. My biggest problem is I couldn’t distance myself enough, mostly because my past wasn’t the best. And dealing with children………yeah. I think that is one of the reasons why I felt so “close” and sympathy for Butterflybae. It really hit a nerve with me.
Okay sorry I have just babbled on….didn’t mean to.
@wndozh8er: Any insight you’d like to share? i’ve read up on psychoanalysis (not so extensively as you have), but what really comes to my attention is the lack of sense of reality that most of my future peers use. It’s like they think everything can be fixed, and that if you don’t want to “wake up” it’s just because you don’t want to. Teachers don’t seem to argue with that too much either (i can see why, but i don’t think it’s healthy at all).
I know it’s not always the case, but it would surely explain why there are so many professionals that just don’t “get us”. Notice i’m not even saying agree with us (because it’s obvious why they don’t), but just… accepting that it’s possible to feel like this without being mentally ill?
@ironman22: Thank you for taking the time to reply. I don’t think there was an answer that i really wanted to hear (since hell… i do know how it is to not be able to get out of it, been there for years). What’s funny to me is that the reason you got out is the reason why i got interested in it to begin with (other than using it to endure things myself).
At some point i just felt this need to use all that baggage and give something back, from a perspective of someone who is there, and that gets that not everything is “tell me all about it” “do A-B-C” and ta-da! magic fixed it all. Most likely i won’t be able to fix myself (i don’t even know if i’ll be alive long enough to finish studying), but i do know that if i can help someone else before going down i’ll do it.
You are more than welcome. Glad you weren’t looking for specifics and I do not think there are honestly any to be had. However if you ask your typical person in that field they will give you the 123 ABC answer.
And that is ironic that what made me leave is what is making you get into it. You might find some useful things along the way or you might find that it’s almost laughable at times. Either way, it will be an adventure. I look forward to hearing about your studies and if you would ever like to chat about one of your courses, I would love to hear some of the insight that you have gain or questions you may be pondering. I found myself pondering a lot and doing a lot of questioning. It will certainly make you think differently.
@frenchygirl… Please do not tell him that if he doesn’t accept your help he cannot complain. You do not have the right to tell people that they can or cannot complain. And no one has to accept your help in any way. Polite advice is great but being pushy and demanding like your comment is …not nice at all.
Ok,anyway i quit this site, because I am a big shit bullying everyone.
I think it’s better to talk with friends or people on here with similar experiences than it is to pay someone to listen. Apart of getting better is genuinely feeling that the person you talk to cares and as Mister Rogers would say “likes you just the way you are”.
Those paid people are a waste of time, they all pull that cognitive therapy crap. They don’t understand our help.
Exactly. I been to therapy since I was 4 years old, on medication since around 6 or 7. I jumped though so many hoops just to realize that I was jumping in circles. I know what’s best for me now, even though society disagrees with me.
It’s normal, medication for depression shouldn’t be taken for a long time.
Ooh so true. Gotta love the proverbial: “And how does that make you feel?” As they lean their chin on their fist, nod, go umm hmmm…and then go to writing on there legal pad.
Oh the “how does that make you feel” always made me cringe lol. They don’t use that anymore…probably cuz I tell them how i feel. They still say “do you feel like hurting yourself or others”. I say no. I’m not gonna set there and say I feel like ending my own life.
Yeah if you did that, they would be calling the little white men in the little white coats to come and take you away haha to come and take you away! LOL
I hate how the turn everything into a question. No matter what you ask, they come back with a question. SMH
I was on medication for years and tried to stop…..then the panic attacks came back. I can’t function with medication and without it, id have be basically bedridden.
You know you can’t stop like that, the more you were on medication, the longer it is to stop, because your brain and your body are addicted, and when they lack of this drugs, they begin to send you anxiety as a sign you have to feed them with their poison. But stopping medication is possible, maybe not for your paranoid problems, but for depression it’s possible, but as long as you have your trauma, it’s not.
I been on many different medications just not one. I’ll stop one day when I draw my last breath
Suicide interests me. I hate my life but I have attempted suicide a few times and my attitude has changed over the years. If you truly believe that you want to die, like i believed, then you only need to choose a method that is painless and a method that gives you an option to reverse your decision.
I cut myself and got an artery, blood was pumping out and I’m there watching all the blood. You realise that you have done enough to kill yourself and if you do nothing very soon then you will in fact die. It is only when you are truly faced with death will you really know if you want to die or fight for a better life. I realised that I wanted to fight on. I began to appreciate the little things in life like laying in front of the TV watching a movie while my cat sleeps the entire time on my chest. Going fishing and just sitting in the sun. I don’t want to never experience those things again. I don’t need to be slim, I don’t need to ever experience love or have a family. I don’t need to be rich. I can be alone forever and still find things in life to enjoy.
This comment is really wise. I’m certain of lot of people face death to see they don’t really want to die.
Wow. I can so relate to every word. I found joy in stupid things. Drinking coffee, brushing teeth, eating bread.
🙂
I don’t think I want a method that is reversible. I can’t see the TV when my cat sleeps on my chest. She’s the only thing that I’m hanging out for. When she goes I’ll start making plans, I do wonder if I’ll really do it tho. I hope it’s not just an excuse because living can be torturous.
But that’s the problem. What if you chose a method that you could not reverse and you changed your mind when it was too late. I’m sure there are many people who died by their own hand but were regretting their decision and were fighting to save themselves.
I know it happens, I cut a guy down after he hung himself. If I was 5 minutes later he would be dead and he was crying for help, standing on tips of his toes try to take the weight off the noose.
I wouldn’t want a method that’s reversable ether. I wanna be out like a light or drifting peacefully into an eternal sleep. reversable to me would mean consious long enough to suffer
I don’t need time to hesitate. When I do it, I’ll be 100%behind my decision. I understand what u said tho, about not realizing how much I want to live until I actually do it. But I think I’ll go thru that right before i take my method, if I do, I won’t go ahead. Just have to wait and find out I guess.
I think you should first make sure you really want to die, if require spend years thinking about it. But once you come to conclusion you really want to die then choose most lethal method. Surely your mind can play with you while dying (I think mainly because of physical pain you will be having)
Have been here since December 2012
Because my life is a pointless crap
I miss my old SP friends
I’m sorry for that. Your old friends are gone?
I still remember when I found SP. I was lost in the internet looking for methods…
I lurked for months before posting.
Truth is I can’t thank this place enough. Part of my “real life” changed because of SP. It didn’t solve my problems and never will, but things changed in me because of this place. Also, SP “saw” me growing up: I was 20 when I joined and in a few weeks I’ll be 23. I miss some of the old regulars too… Despite all the pain, this place was always a party.
I’m so glad to be back though; this place is addictive and you guys are beautiful souls.
Yeah I miss some of the old members too. Hope they found happiness.
I joined to support others and even in a way Let out my feelings
Mainly to read other ppl stories
I came here years ago looking for methods. I read people’s posts for a while and then posted looking for someone to talk to, and shared emails with some really great people. I had severe anxiety, panic and depression, which improved over time. But I’ve never recovered from depression. My life has never got back on track, and living with worsening ME is taking its toll and making my depression significantly worse… I also recently stopped talking to an old friend who I met through the site. I don’t think he’ll be back here, but it made me think of him. Just came back for a glimpse of what the site’s like now.
I signed up to see if anyone felt like I do.
I’m still here because I feel the same.