It’s been a while since I last logged in here. A long while. A few years. I don’t know what made me think of it now but I remembered it and how at the time, writing helped.
The depression is back. It never really left I guess, but after I was put on meds I was on those for about two years and became a semi functional member of society. Then I was taken back off them, and I had gotten myself to an okay place and kept trundling on living day by day doing anything to put a bit of sunshine into life. But it’s back, and I’m getting that same lingering feeling and the same shakes and the same day dreams as I got before. Not as bad as it was before, last time I had a major episode it was 2012 and I just couldn’t cope at all. This time I’m still functioning..but in the quiet moments when I’ve nothing to occupy me..it’s like a monster waiting for me to drop my guard. I hadn’t self harmed for over a year but it’s lapsed as well. Just once. Once was enough to make me seek help again though.
I hate being alone now, every time I’m left alone it makes it so much harder to keep calm.
I’m waiting on an appointment with a mental health unit to get assessed again. NHS fucking sucks. GP opinion is pretty much to throw antidepressants at it and hope it goes away. Useless.
1 comment
It’s good that you are looking for help before things get completely bad again, and if you did manage to get a bit better last time you should be able to manage it again. Like you say i guess depression never really leaves, but it can be kept at bay for some periods and you can even experience happiness while at it (been there).
I do agree that NHS is crap, it’s actually a lottery if you’re going to get a good doctor who cares, or some that just doesn’t give a damn. Just got out of the doctors office a while ago and he dismissed everything i had to tell him (and made a claim that i know for a fact was wrong), so i guess it does take time an a good amount of luck to get a good professional… but it does happen. Hope that things go well for you when you get that appointment, good luck.