I didn’t want to be this way, I didn’t ask for it. I have such a fortunate life but i feel so empty , so hollow. I’m wasting what was given to me but what can i do. Oh god I’m falling apart, WHATS WRONG WITH ME !! How can i unsee it ?! All the suffering in the world, the fucked up parts of human nature. Everyone seems to be completely oblivious to it. It;s everywhere though , and my old argument the the small good things outweighs the bad is beginning to crumble. Because that is a fantasy. In this life, the quiet guy doesn’t get the girl, the hero doesn’t save the world and nobody finds happiness. That is reality. Thats not what bothers me. What bothers me is that i know I’m not going to do anything about it. I’m going to end up like everyone else , slaving away for those ever so brief moments of bliss which are becoming fewer are further between. I wonder if anyone in my year feels the same way, i wonder if they’ve seen the suffering. “we’re all just suicidal kids telling other suicidal kids that suicide isn’t the answer”, Then why do i feel so alone. Why do i feel the need to drown these feelings into music and limbos. I feel so segregated from everything. While I’m there, I’m also not. Im apart from them , in my own bubble of dismay and longing. Longing for something or someone that can never be mine. Dismay for what the world has become and what it will inevitably become further. Breath, and exhale. That is how we will get through.
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Hey, I think the hard thing about quiet people sometimes is that they tend to keep to themselves and they don’t find each other. I am an extremely shy girl, and like quiet guys, however anytime this situation has presented itself we are both too shy to do anything. So this is something I feel I need to work on, difficult as it may be. People are scary.
Even if the small good things do not out weight the bad, I think it would still be worse without them. Also, some of the bigger bad things can happen only because people do not care about what they consider as small.
Well I wanted to write something .. D:
Sometimes we become so used to life hurting us that we dissociate ourselves from it and that may leave us feeling alone. It’s very hard to live if we don’t participate in life.