I started a new job about a month ago. For as long as I hoped to get a position like it, now that I’m in the middle of it, being trained to do what I was hired to do, I feel like I’m falling apart inside. I’m a perfectionist and my training has been a real difficulty. Making so many mistakes and feeling so embarrassed and ashamed…My confidence is gone. I look around me and feel as if I don’t belong there. As if this is what everyone else is thinking but they just won’t come out and say it. I have great doubt that […]
Ah, i never thought i would post on a site like this one. Still, i would like some advice.. I’m sorry if this is too long, i don’t really know what i’m going to say so thank you to all of you who actually read through all this nonsense..
I don’t know what’s happening to me, i never would have imagined i would slip this far away. At first i thought i was just being a little over dramatic. That’s normal for teenagers y’know? But these thoughts, these “what ifs”, these plans, I can see how much they are taking over and i don’t know what […]
I’m starting to believe that even life doesn’t want me here. I find it funny how you can think you’ve hit the bottom and can’t go lower than that, but then you do. You sink further down into the abyss.
My family and my social life are falling apart. We’re economically fucked, I will get kicked out of school if we can’t pay the tuition (we owe like 3,000 dollars and that number will continue to go up if we don’t pay in time). The only place where I considered myself as “not so useless” (even though being good in school means nothing in real life; […]
So I managed to make it though yesterday but the battle dosnt stop there ok I managed to get out the house today for a short time
but doesn’t change my thoughts on the world
what is the point in struggling with depression and emotional pain everyday ? People say things get better when is that ? What’s the point in life if you don’t have no goals no idea where your going or what will happen next
people say lifes a journey and you should enjoy it well I’m not fucking enjoying this bull shit having more down then ups feel like I’m crawling though life and […]
Hi, I used to post here as Second_Winter before I got locked out for incorrect password stuff. I constantly read this site and relate to so many of you. I don’t post often, mostly out of apathy from my own situation and because I was locked out for so long.
My situation has gotten dire. I am in so much debt that I feel like I’m drowning. I recently returned from working a nonprofit job with students in another state and it was great, but my contract ended and now I’m back home. All of the reminders of my past are here, so much that I […]
Not looking for sympathy here, what I did is what I did. I should have just been there for her as a friend, shouldn’t have given into her subtle advances, taking it to the next stage I knew I’d surely regret. I should have recognized her vulnerability and kept respectable distance with compassion, but I didn’t..
I allowed the night to progress, one beer, 2 beer, 3 beer, talking closer and closer at the arcade bar, her warming up to my unfurling pinball skills, as laughable as that may seem, close contact is close contact.
Suddenly the air is charged. The familiarity of our past, the […]
I think that time is coming soon to try again iv had enough of being depressed battling to survive everyday simple life situations seem so differcult to handle watching the world move on wile I’m suck watching everyone building their lives and mine falling apart what kind of life is this struggling and suffering everyday If there is a god why dose he make us suffer so much and push me to the edge were I want to end it all I don’t I don’t understand I’m not sure how long I can stand on this edge without jumping
To feel the weight in my hand, the cold of its steel against my lips, playing with the trigger, but never quite enough to pull.
It’s laying here in bed with me, I’ve been laying in bed most all day, I lay in bed most all days, till eventually get up, maybe buy a burrito or go for a run.
I think about her, and how her brother used the gun, how her father used the gun, how my father used the gun.
Too many guns.
I think of all the other hers, the ones that almost were, the most recent hers, but still it […]
I had everything going for me before college. I grew up in a great family, we loved each other, and I had an awesome relationship with God. Seriously, he was my best friend. One of the things I couldn’t understand, though, was grace. How the hell could he put the sins of nations onto one man and just forget what we’ve done?
Im in college now. I wanted to die 5 times in the last 2 years. I just couldn’t make the pain stop. So I let go of my faith in God. I don’t really care about sin, being reckless, or being happy. The only […]
You guys keep posting neat music stuff you’ve done….
It’s made me want to compose something too.
I ordered some composition software for the laptop so I can write stuff during the days/nights when I’m stuck in bed and can hardly move. It will be good therapy for me, because it will remind me that even though my body is falling apart, my mind still (sort of) works.
I ordered the same software I’ve used previously for composing symphony stuff, but for some reason I’m in the mood to write a piano solo now.
Possibly piano plus cello.
Stay tuned.
(Ha! See what I did there? Music? Tuned?)
It’s almost 8 years to the day now when I got the call, that mom needed to come over to tell me something, and seated in the worn-out dingy couch on the porch, dark outside, the words spilling from her into me, something that could not be taken back, something final, a new reality shocked into me.
I remember somehow taking it so well, the determination to be strong overcoming any flirtation with falling apart or to pieces about it. It was his decision, and that’s what he did, he is no longer in pain, there’s nothing that can be done about it and we’ll […]
I’m sixteen…and even so I don’t know what to do with my life anymore.
I feel like I’ve failed my parents and I’ve failed myself more than ever. For the past two to three years, I’ve tried to commit suicide, but I can’t bring myself to use a knife, or to pop a pill, or even to hang myself. I used to cut, but that became a hard stop when my parents found out and I’ve been clean since then. I tried talking to my counselor, but my parents got mad because they said: “It makes us look bad!”
I’m falling apart..inch by inch. I don’t like […]
Found out a couple days ago that if I commit myself to get help my roommate and mother will convince them I’m faking for attention and to have my released. They they would kick me out so I’m homeless, get rid of my dog, and destroy my computer. How awesome is that? Last night I disolved a large quantity of different drugs in a glass of water to drink. Tonight it’s still in my bathroom. Only reason I didn’t was that a friend of mine was falling apart, and I didn’t want to cause him more issues until he’s better. Now it’s so unbearable that […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
It’s literally 5am and here I lie in bed… Just overthinking. Not even music is helping clear it all away. Maybe if I write it down it’ll go away.
What am I even doing anymore? Seriously, what am I doing? I’m seventeen, I start college in the spring, I have to do the dishes before everyone wakes up… Sure that’s some things, but what do I need to do to make my life fulfilling? Is it just an endless cycle or is it really going to change some?
Why do people fall in love? I think I’ve ranted about this before on here, but seriously, why do […]
Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy or something is wrong with me. Most days are okay in the beginning. Then something small changes and I fell like it comes crashing and spiraling down again. That sadness that follows me is back and it’s like it grabs a hold of me for the longest of time. It doesn’t go away until I’ve cried so long that my eyes, head, throat, and body hurt. I feel like I’ve lost my friends and family within that past two years. It’s getting harder and harder to open up to anyone. My family seems like it’s falling apart. I’m […]
Me and my boyfriend broke up a month ago. We were close to our 1 year, but he didn’t feel the same anymore. It was long distance so of course it wouldn’t last. I felt okay the first few weeks but now I feel like shit. My friends don’t seem to help, they try, but I don’t think they know that I think about suicide constantly. When I want to talk I feel pushed away. I feel alone and most of the time I want to be alone. I want nobody to talk to. I just want to die, I feel like everything is falling […]
I can’t breathe, I want to scratch, claw, rub my skin but I cannot. I’m starting to crack open and the uglyness is starting to shine through. I’m not sure how much longer I can keep together this facade of normalcy. I’m breaking down in tears and lashing out at people around me, throwing things, wrecking things.
I’m trying to keep things smooth and yet I’m not sure how much longer I can possibly stay here on this God-forsaken planet when everything inside me is falling apart.
And yet I’m trying to take deep breaths, trying to breathe, trying to hold on to any hint of rationale. Impulsivity breeds […]
Excuse the Selfie. I’ll explain why that’s here momentarily. Just bare with me.
How do you know if you’re falling?
Is it the wind rushing
Or your bones crushing
As you stop so abruptly
Is it the pain in your ribs
The numbness in your fingertips
Or the light fading slowly
How do you know if you’re falling?
Is it silent whisper
Or gentle kisses
Under the cover of the night
Is it soft touches
And sweet nothings
Almost inaudible sometimes
Which way am I falling
Am I running
I wanted to say thank you.
The community here has been really supportive in comments and I didn’t have the chance respond. I tried to kill myself and I thought my failure was weakness. Your responses helped. Thank you for reaching out. I feel like everything is falling apart and chaotic, but having SP has been a relief. I feel like nobody else really understands. I’ve been reading here for a long time before even posting so I understand a lot of people are experiencing hard times. Maybe not the same hardship but at least it helps heing able to understand what’s going on. This […]
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