I am 39 years old and I have never been married or had children. I have a job that causes me to have extreme anxiety (I take Xanax, amongst other things) and I dread going there every day. I can’t quit because I need the money to support myself. I feel like life has absolutely no meaning or purpose. It is just emptiness and suffering. I feel so alone and I’m terrified of getting any older. I have researched suicide and I have a plan and all the drugs I need. The only thing I lack is courage because I know it will be a slow death and I’m scared of suffering. It’s impossible to get a gun in NY, if only it were that easy. So until I get the courage I guess I will go on suffering. Is there anyone out there that can relate? I feel so alone in this.
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I have no advices to give but I could feel the pain in your words while reading what you said. I am sure many others here can relate to your situation of wanting to die but at the same time being understandably afraid of pain… Most of times I am alone too and loneliness can make people’s lives so much more meaningless. I hope you can find peace in your future.
Try to find peace with yourself and with your loneliness. If all you have is yourself and you learn to love yourself then being alone can be the greatest time of you life.
Similar boat… I worked in a bank in amongst high anxiety. My medication became higher and higher to a point that I couldn’t take it anymore. I am currently on disability…. I’m doubtful that I’ll return. I’m on the fence of returning to work period… not sure of my next turn and that bothers me.
I’m not sure where you work but is disability an option for you until you get things sorted?
When I read your post, it was like reading my own heart.
And yet, I felt this overwhelming wish for you to live.
Or, that if you truly couldn’t live , to know you had died, so I could mourn for you.
Maybe we are so deeply longing for a connection to another living being ?
Maybe the thought of someone dying alone, dying of loneliness, is just so unbearable, when there are so many of us.
I don’t know.
But I want you to know, reading your post has stopped me in my tracks.
Your words have changed the flow of my feelings, from planning suicide, to simply feeling , the awareness of human suffering.
I’m not good at expressing this, but just wanted to say something , and wishing for you that whatever you choose, that there’ll b some gentleness, some peace , some love x x x x x
You’re not alone. I struggle with bouts of anxiety and existential crises. You’re not alone!!
Overdosing almost never, ever works. The Gov’t has seen to that. Be very sure of what you are taking because you could wind up on life support. There is alot to consider. My friend thought she had plenty of meds to OD on, failed wound up in a psych ward. Are you thinking of P.C.?
You are NOT ALONE…look how many people are on this site too… we relate…just different circumstances.