Plans

your dreams are beautiful. i loved drawing blueprints of my future house, it made the dullest days so full of hope back then. my secret is, i write now – like i drew my dreams before – for example, my dream house, my dream career, my dream life. i write about what i want. sometimes our goals seem so unreachable and unimaginable, and sometimes even impossible. sometimes i cry because i know what i write about is no where near where i am now. but thats okay. you can achieve anything. never give up on your dreams.
people have told me numerous times about how i shouldn’t give up and all, and i get irritated and angry, because isn’t that what everyone always says? in fact, isn’t that what we all say to other people as well?

don’t we say it for a reason?

suicide isn’t a solution. it isn’t the answer. why am i saying this? because if you look back at your life, you might have been through harder times than this and still gone through it. and sometimes, you feel like you’ve never faced anything this tough. but you’ll get through it, just like the negative memory you sometimes look back at.

pain ends, and all you need to do is work hard. i can imagine what you’re going through at the moment. young, jobless, and feeling worthless – thats okay. its alright.
this is what you need to do:
get a job. whatever you need, be a waiter or a bartender or anything small and little that you can find. fix shoes or make kites, do whatever you can.
later on, you’ll have enough money to get a better job. maybe people will realise you have some talent (at anything).
you’ll have enough money to stay somewhere – maybe a small one-bedroom apartment that stinks, or maybe you share an apartment with another family, or something worse.
but it will get better.
you’ll only go up from there.
maybe you’ll get enough money to buy a nice apartment. maybe you won’t.

all you need is enough money to survive, supplement, and hope.
best of luck.