I’ve never wanted to kill myself more in my life.
I just feel like a giant roadblock in everyone’s way. My stress is tearing my body apart and we can’t afford insurance for medical care so that’s just another burden on my family. I feel like a waste of life and space and money and energy. I want to disappear. Run away. Die.
Just be out of the lives and out of the way of the ones I love.
After all, they’re going places and I’m not. I’m just dead weight.
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“According to Greek Mythology, humans were originally created with four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces. Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two being, condemning them to spending their lived in search of their other halves.” -Plato’s “The Symposium”
I understand that life is unhappy right now. But what about when you stop being “dead weight”? What about your soulmate? The one who you are destined to love and be happy with? What about your future kids? What about them?
I’m depressed and anxious and just the thought of passing that onto a kid makes me want to cry. Plus I believe we’re overpopulated.. And I am married, to a husband I love very very much. That’s part of why I feel like dead weight. I feel like I’m dragging my spouse and family down.
I told him that and of course he said that’s crazy, I told him I want to kill myself and I got the usual stern “put that out of your head, never say that again” talk, but the feeling remains.
They say if you love something let it go..