Things I hate about my depression.
- I can’t focus at all.
- Feeling really empty and guilty
- The domino effect. Bad things happen after another because I decided to skip a day and just lay down.
- The constant thought of dying.
- The sudden panic attacks or just the feeling of being on the edge of a cliff. Just there. Not falling but not exactly okay. Then breaking down.
- Even though I’ve thought of changing, my body won’t listen.
- Can’t eat normally. Hungry but will feel uneasy after two to three bites.
- Being blind to good things.
- Anxiety, man…
- Worst of all is that I made my mom disappointed at herself.
I appreciate my mom sending me inspirational messages but really, it’s just me. No need to blame yourself. It’s just me being a coward. Sorry for wasting your money. Sorry that I’m having a hard time being normal.
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Being blind to good things.
That and erasing good memories.
So I end up in a trap where the past is bleak, the future is bleak. And I know, I just know, I’m not looking at things correctly.
Arg!
Have to go do self care. Wish I could talk more about this!
I saw you mention the self care a couple of times in comments today. Just wanted to wish you luck.
Mom’s are just moms. I am a mom of four. We try to fix everything, but I believe she knows your pain more than anyone else ever could. She will always love you, maybe you should reach out if you can…it’s a bond that never dies even after death
Thank you. But every time I try to reach out, I feel like she’s dying inside bit by bit.
Good luck with your family. I think you’re a great mom. You got like 4 kids, that’s tough. Are they close in age?
Yeah. There’s like a filter or something.
Good luck with your self care
Panic attacks… sorry you have them. I haven’t had them for a while but I used to have them loads and they were one of the worst experiences of my life.
Your mum sounds very loving. I don’t think she’d ever want you to feel sorry for something you didn’t cause.
Panic attacks are really horrible. :/
She is a loving mother. A little unstable but still strong. She do her best to understand me but with my being right now, she’s having a hard time.
They are. I hope they stop for you soon.
Do you try any anxiety-repelling techniques? They can go a big way in helping to ward them off.
Don’t beat yourself up over it. Neither of you can help it. x
Yeah.. 🙂
Like Meditation and stuff? I’ve seen your posts and I wanna try that too but I dunno? It’s pretty hard to meditate.
Okay. Thank you for the kind words. 🙂
Basically anything at all that people say helps them relax. Meditation is one that always appealed to me because of the other ways it seems to change people.
I find it so, so hard to meditate, so I can sympathise with you there. It’s getting easier, but still a big struggle. I just keep trying not to think of it that way, and it slowly seems to be working. I would recommend finding some videos on YouTube and trying to follow one every day. The length doesn’t matter, at least at first… consistency is the key to seeing results. At the beginning, it’s brilliant and more than enough if you can just manage, say, ten minutes of listening to/watching a video every day… and trying to follow it, but not beating yourself up when you struggle. The struggle is painful, but it’s a big part of it. It doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong or won’t see results – just means that’s something it should help with over time.
In the past I used to try to meditate in silence and I’m just not ready for that yet. Following videos seems to be a good way of getting through it. I’ve mainly been practicing meditation and mindfulness so I can’t speak for other techniques. But those two I would recommend, definitely. You do have to be patient, but you get rewarded for it. It’s easiest if you don’t expect anything from the techniques – just keep doing them and build a habit of it… and one day you’ll notice that things are starting to change. 🙂 That’s about as far as I’ve got with it and already it’s worth the effort. It’s getting less difficult and less painful as time goes on.