Normal. Kissing a man. Normal. Friends. Body contact/hugs, kisses. Normal. Couple with a baby. Normal. Walking up the stairs, riding a bike, doing sports. Normal. Mother, father, family. Normal. Driving a car. Being slim. being blonde. Fuck the media, the picture you are showing us is “NORMAL”. Normal. Normal. Normal. I am SICK of this normal world!!!
Empty from crying. Tomorrow to work again. smile, you’re on camera. being watched. don’t cry in public – you may be considered as being mentally ill in this society.
I have the easiest wish a human being can have. Somebody LOVE me. Someone, anyone, lay your arms around me and tell me that I am loved for who I AM, not for my work, not for my kindness, not for the money I give, not for the things I do!
I want a child..I want to take it in my arms, raise it with as much love a mother can give. But I have a disableness (won’t tell anything more bout that now).
I wanted to leave this world since I was little. And now it becomes more and more clear. The fear of leaving is getting less.
“No more, no more, no more…No more drama… In my, in my….life….”
13 comments
I know how you feel. It’s so hard even to go to the store or to get through the holidays. It’s so hard to even go outside or watch a movie because you see people in situations you feel you could never have. It’s so hard to feel like you fit in anywhere sometimes and you find yourself avoiding everyone and everything because you don’t want to fall to pieces in front of strangers again and watch them back away like you are some communicable disease. Its so hard to face each day feeling like you need another person to validate your existence by caring about you. It’s so hard just wanting someone to be patient and to understand and finding people that continually give up on you. It’s so hard to get up and even eat or drink anything because you don’t feel like you even can (and probably don’t have any food anyway because you couldn’t go to the store lest you see happy people in their happy lives holding hands or hugging or smiling at one another)…
I’m sorry you know how it feels too. I wish you didn’t. I wish someone would show you more in this world, that you are worth more than you see yourself. And I wish you didn’t see being blonde and slim or even driving a car as something that is normal. There’s nothing wrong with public transportation. It’s efficient and good for the environment. If they had a better transportation system were I am, I would opt not to drive unless it happened to be more convenient. And regarding being slim and blonde, there are all different kinds of people and simply judging a person by how they look never tells you how intelligent that person is, how thoughtful they are, how genuine and honest and caring they are…there is so much more to a person than the surface you see, though also unfortunately sometimes, much less. I know that’s not how the media often portrays people, but the people that they portray often have no personality at all. You don’t need to be a shadow. Just be yourself and maybe you will find a light inside you that other people will see too. I hope you do.
Take care.
Sorry. I didn’t mean for my reply to be so long. My apologies.
“Copelessness”, I thank you so much for your reply!
It seems as if you can read my mind, feels like I am not alone, not isolated. I’d be happy if you’d write me a PM. Are you a Mod? Sorry, I’m a Newbie and can’t even distinguish if someone’s a mod or just a “normal” person here…
Basically, I used to be a positive person. Encouraging others. But now, so many things happened in my life – suicides, loss, shame, illness, death – it is just too much to take for me and that is why I feel suicidal. Just to tell you…..
hugs, R.S.
I just had read what you said and immediately knew where you were coming from, that intense longing and need to feel like you mattered to someone, and the minefield that the world is, little reminders of what you as a person are apparently not worth having or meaning to another person.
Today I went to the store because I couldn’t sleep and saw a couple embrace. I wasn’t near enough to hear what he said to her but she smiled and hugged him. I tried to forget it but it just brought back thoughts and I ended up crying in an aisle. No matter how hard you try to stop tears from flowing, they just flow more and no matter how deserted the aisle is in a store, someone always comes down it and stops and stares
It just had brought back thoughts of the last time I hugged someone, and I don’t know if that person understood how long it had been since I had hugged someone. I didn’t want to let go and probably just made it seem uncomfortable and weird, but I do that to everyone, regardless of human contact or not, and it just reinforces and deepens the depression and anxiety that isolates me in a tomb of hopelessness.
I am not a mod here. The only real mod appears to be the SP admin, though many try to guide others to follow the rules of the site for the sake of the spirit of it.
There is also no PM system on this site as it is intended to kind of keep conversation out in the open. Suicide and the people who suffer with thoughts of it are something society tries to push into the shadows. This is a place to talk freely and remember we aren’t alone, no matter how much we might feel like we are. That said, people do often talk outside the site via email. If you want, I do have an email account of my username here at a gmail account. It’s hard to talk to people in real life so it’s still nice to feel like I can have conversations with and relate to people.
The media has a completely warped idea of normal. Their concept of normal is so small… not much in reality really fits in it, and it’s not fair that the people and things that don’t fit into people’s idea of normal are turned away so harshly. I know it’s hard going out each day and trying to act like people expect you to… and to see people with the things you want most in the world. The pain of it could never be put into words. I’m sorry you’re still waiting to have those things. I hope life gives them to you in some form or another, and soon you’ll have someone to make you happy.
I have no idea if I will be able to experience “normal” things in life, including some that you mentioned yourself, due to my physical condition (I suffer from chronic pain). I don’t think I truly know what normality means. I used to want to be a mother too because I wanted to feel (and give) that type of love to someone. I think that I won’t ever have children and this thought hurts sometimes. You’re not alone, I understand how you feel and I’m so sorry that you’re in so much pain.
Love and light.
chronic pain really must suck. did you have it because of the rape?
Idk… I’m still looking for answers.
joinel theres a way to phrase questions to be a bit more socially intelligent. Easy.
and *looking up to the sky for where that topic came from* there was absolutely no mention of that anywhere in the discussion. think a bit next time. next time you bring something random up like that i’ll slap u
We are fine. Society is NOT fine. The way society treats people drives said person to believe that its all their fault that they don’t fit into society, this ‘normal’ world. People say ‘be yourself’ crap, ahhh how can you be yourself in a world like this?!?!
If society wasn’t so harsh, cold, horrible, judgemental, this world would be a better place. Appearances and ‘disabilites’ should not matter. The reason I put disabilites in quotation marks is because in fact I believe alot of disabled people are actually able in many ways, but society likes to label them ‘disabled’. Nobody asked to be that way. People should be accepted. Accept people. ACCEPT THEM!!!
Thank you Tristeza, Trix and “No more of this please”. You took the words right out of my mouth.
And in all of this hole of blood (that’s how I feel right now), I can still feel the pain of others. I am not alone, though I think I am mad, ill, too sick for this world. I speak 5 languages, got an IQ of 150 and still feel like a piece of sh**. I got enough money, and STILL I am SAD and desperate.
WHY?
You can’t buy (real) love. The Beatles already knew it….
Most of us are here because we cant fit in this world