Tool has one of the most intelligent lyrics of any band I ever heard. The lyrics that jump out to me the most is “why can’t we not be sober, just want to start this over, why can’t we drink forever”…..then the next line is “why can’t we sleep forever”. – I can totally relate. I wanna drink forever and wish I could sleep forever. It’s a song that can have many different meanings in accordance with people’s personal experiences. It’s deeper than drug or alcohol addiction – for me, I want to just go and sleep forever. Being sober hurts because of my mental anguish.
Also a line that jumped out to me is “I am just a worthless liar, I am just an imbusal, I will only elevate you, just enough to bring you down” – for me personally, I see it as all the people who built me up for one huge let down. Recently and all my life there has been toxic people in my life that elevated me, gave me a false sense of hope, and than brought me down, leaving me in a worse place than I was before. They was worthless liars.
All I wanted was love and to find that special someone ya know. That someone who will love me for me. Someone I can have and to hold. I know I’ll never get that. I have trust and attachment issues due to being used so many times in my life. I want to kiss lips, but since thst will never happen again, I kiss the bottle. I want to be held, alcohol and xanex makes me feel as though I was being held. Makes me feel love even though nobody is there. Strange dynamic indeed.
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When I was 18 I had a lot of hopes and dreams. Dreams of finding the love of my life, dreams of having a wife and kids. I thought I’d have a good paying job and being a provider. Stuff people usually get. I realized that I’m not mentally damaged to hold down a job, hence why I’m on SSI. I’ll never have a wife and kids. In fact, everyone I ever grew up with has wife kids, and stability accept for the ones who got killed or had a major accident.
“I’m too mentally damaged to gold a job
As for my alcohol and xanex abuse, that is not the disaster, but the result of what I went though my entire life. If happiness doesn’t find you, chemical substances will.
I pretty much stayed away from alcohol all through my teen years up til now, in case it made me any happier… because I find it so, so hard to let go of anything that does. Love and certain people fall into that category. I usually keep relationships going until they get increasingly painful, and the longer I’ve drawn out the problems of the relationship, the more agonising the eventual break up is. If I didn’t know anything about you as a person but heard about your situation, I’d think you were lucky to have someone’s cover blown so quickly (though unlucky to meet them). It’s very, very unfortunate that people can’t be more sensitive when they’re talking to someone suicidal, especially when they usually have other problems re trust, panic, self harm etc. But disturbing as it is, the situation isn’t that unusual. If you view it as another toxic person, another in a train of situations in the past that left you worse, then it’ll become harder and harder to get past. There are good people out there. Don’t let the ones that cause you pain decide what you get out of life, don’t let them break you. Someone like you doesn’t deserve to be broken by people like them. People still find their dreams when they’re almost at the end of life. They’re always out there.
Thank you my friend. It never touched a drink until I was 24 years old. Life got too painful. Thanks for those sweet words. For me, history keeps repeating itself over and over again like some kind of Groundhogs a Day scenario. I just can’t do it anymore.
I’ve still got time then, haha. I hope something comes along and makes you change your mind. You deserve it.
Thank you so much. We all diserve to be happy. I just feel like a peaceful life is unattainable for me. the most recent event is just more proof of that. Seems like everytime something seemingly incredible is happening, it ends up being one big lie. Leaving me in a worse place than I was at before.
If anything, I’m lucky to have a lot of love and support in this group.
Great song. It’s so intense that I played it to get into the right frame of mind to write a scene in a screenplay I was working on at the time. (Lady shoots her abusive ex-husband.)