I’ve always been an indecisive person: even down to the most simplest of things. School is one of those things. Although I hate it, no doubt, education is very important. I just recently turned 17 and I took two separate years off of school (due to various different factors) and should technically be a senior in high school yet I’m a sophomore…oh and I haven’t even gone back to school yet this year because I’m not sure if I should go through with “letting go” or if I should go back to school. Yep, I’m a straight up loser. I probably would choose to go to an alternative schooling program so that I could catch up on credits and all that faster , graduate, and possibly get a job that I like and go from there. Option 1 seems much more easy and comfortable. Option 2 is more challenging and requires going through more bullshit. The jobs I would potentially go for would probably be: an EMT, a Paramedic, an Animal cop, a correction officer, etc; (something relating) If I decide to go back to school then I will be determined to graduate. However, I don’t believe in myself and even if I graduate I know it’s all too possible that I wouldn’t be accepted if I apply for the job that I want to pursue. I’m not sure what the best option is. I could potentially straighten my life out or maybe it would be better if I just gave up now. It just sucks not knowing the best route especially when I will most likely commit suicide before I have a chance to get my life back together honestly because the only thing I’m scared of anymore is failure. Failing at school. Failing at graduating. Failing at attempting to fix my life. Failing at attempting to commit suicide. So I’d probably rather attempt suicide before attempting to succeed in life. Also, for the past four years, I’m pretty damn certain that I have social anxiety and clinical depression. Yet due to my indecisiveness, and incredibly stubborn nature, I refuse to tell anyone or seek treatment. I kind of brought up “potentially” having social anxiety “symptoms” to my mother just so I could maybe get some form of medication to be more chill if I do decide to return to school but I’m anxious to have to repeat this to a doctor so I kind of talked my mother out of taking me to a doctor in the end. Ugh.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
1 comment
You’re not a loser. And school is just not for everyone. What is more important is that you don’t throw in the towel. Look up David Finch — one of the most successful comic book artists today — and he’s a high school dropout.
Do what you’re naturally good at. If you’re creative, do something in the creative fields. Then just work. Work is simply work, whether a brain surgeon or sandwhich artist, everybody is just working. Everybody’s got their place.
“Yet due to my indecisiveness, and incredibly stubborn nature, I refuse to tell anyone or seek treatment.” Maybe that is why you are not going to get better.