I feel like my issues are much different than anyone else’s. Not the depression and anxiety, I know that millions suffer from these mental illnesses. I don’t know what it is. Its along the lines of social phobia but it is even around close family and friends. I don’t know what to say. My mind is completely blank all of the time. Except for worried thoughts. Its like they consume my mind to the point I can’t even engage in simple conversation. Does anyone know what I am experiencing?
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I can understand what you are talking about. It’s certainly hard to articulate though. I have developed quite well considering I have had similar experiences to what your speaking of. I would actually consider it and link it to anxiety if you think about it.
What did you do to help?
you are whoaminow22 :”) >> just trying to be funny 🙁
Yeah i have anxiety when present or communicating in anyway with anyone. I try to say and do as little as possible in any given conversation just to get through it.
Are you able to work?
I can’t live like this. The doc has me on so many different medications, none of them help, I feel like they may even make it worse. He doesn’t even know what is wrong with me, he always seems so stumped by all of my symptoms because ots so hard for me to communicate to him how I am feeling. Been thinking a whole lot about suicide lately.
I think I could understand – it’s not a disease or mental illness. (My mother and grandmother both wish to take me to a therapist and place me on medication). They say I am “not right in the head”. It’s not something you can explain to others because no one can..it’s just not possible in words. Sociable with people or not..talk much/talk less – IT DOESN’T MATTER! people will ALWAYS find a pretext to tell you that something is wrong with you. LMFAO! But I don’t think there is something wrong with you or others who post here on this site like I said in another post. The world around you is. And your subconscious or soul or senses react to this in a kind of defense. Or better still you have reached a certain level of awareness and see things for what they are. That’s my personal opinion. I have encounters with people all the time who tell me something is wrong with me and I know they are just trying to keep me down. I personally believe that THEY are the sick ones and misery loves company. They love to demoralize. I hope you understand.
I do understand, but its not other people telling me there is something wrong with me, its me telling myself there is something wrong with me. And I don’t feel that I am aware at all. The exact opposite really. I don’t know
I am the same but most likely a more severe case. I can’t converse with people normally and find it difficult to string together a sentence. I usually have a blank mind unless it’s filled with negative thoughts about myself. I have inferiority complex and believe that I am stupider than everyone else, sub-human.
When in conversation with others, I find that I don’t care about what the other person is saying and that I am unable to say anything genuine. I don’t mean what I say and am unable to say what I mean. All I am capable of is making dumb comments and I am sure that everyone who comes across me can easily tell I am not right in the head. I think of a suicide during all waking hours because I have lost hope of ever leading a normal life. Please reply if you can relate to any of this….I feel like the only one with this problem of never having anything of value to say 🙁
I’m sure that you are not a worse case than I. How you described yourself is the EXACT same way that I feel. I am not even able to keep a job because I can’t be around people in any way shape pr form. All I can think about is how dumb I look\sound. And its not just around people that I feel that way, I feel stupid\worthless\hopeless even when I am by myself. I don’t understand how people can communicate so efficiently with one another. I feel like I have to have some sort of disease that is eating away at my brain. I feel completely brain dead. Are you on any medications? The doc has me loaded up on them and I feel like it just makes it worse
I am not on any medications right now but have tried Cipralex, Effexor, Cymbalta, Prozac all for long periods of time in the past. I have never felt that any medications have helped in a noticeable way. I feel embarrassed to speak to a doctor or even family about my condition because it seems so sillyand they will just tell me it’s all in my head, which I know it’s untrue. I am literally like the walking dead, someone who appears to be a person but who lacks a personality and a soul. I am unable to experience any emotions except negative ones and feel that I am getting more stupid with each day. I am unable to interact with other people and the only thing I enjoy is being asleep. Honestly, I don’t believe I feel this way because I am suffering from depression/anxiety but am merely depressed/anxious because I am this way. Have you always felt like this or is it a new development? I was a loner back in high school and believe I am this way partly because I didn’t develop normally, socially, in childhood and adolescence, like there was a small window of time people have to learn how to interact with other people and I missed my chance. I totally feel brain dead as well. Even writing this post was a chore for me.
Lacks a personality and a soul. That is a perfect summary of how I feel. I’m just dull and lifeless. I have tried explaining how I feel to my psychiatrist how I feel but I can not communicate effectively enough to tell him exactly how I am feeling and he just seems confused. As far as family goes I have to try and explain to my mom how i feel because i have a 3 year old son whom is pretty much being raised by the grandparents. Which adds to my depression BC i feel like a complete failure of a mother. I can relate to feeling more stupid with everyday, i feel like my 3 year old is smarter than i am. And yes most definitely depressed/anxious BC i am this way not the other way around. No wonder meds don’t help. I think yea I have always been this way, just never this bad. I was a loner in high school as well but was always able to keep a small group of friends. These days I don’t have any friends BC i have pushed everyone away, and that is where i want them. Loneliness is better than having to have relationships and communicate with people. What about you, has it always been this way for you? Are you able to hold a job?
I am 28 years old and barely able to function in a job as a cashier/stockist. I hate that the job is so simple yet I find it absolutely unbearable. Am on hi and bye basis with coworkers because I have underdeveloped social skills and cannot communicate on a deeper level than that and furthermore have nothing interesting to say to anyone. Can hardly look someone in the eye and am finding it increasingly difficult to convincingly pretend to be pleasant.
These days I am resentful towards all normal people who can laugh and joke, and have a sense of humour. I have not genuinely smiled or laughed in many years, maybe over a decade. All I can contort my face into what I think a smile is supposed to look like. I am even nasty to my own mom because she is my total opposite, a social butterfly, and would never understand. She talks to me like I am a small child still, or as if I am mentally unstable (though I agree I am).
I do feel like I have always been this way but am getting worse as time passes and I grow more bitter and resentful towards normal people. I was not talkative as a child and was always the weird, shy, mute kid. The last time I had friends was in elementary school but that ended at about age 15 when I began to isolate myself. I don’t even remember what kind of interactions I had with friends back then, but they must have been very superficial acquaintances more than real friendships.
At least you have a job. I was a dog groomer but quit because I lost the confidence in myself that I had to groom and couldn’t stand being around the other girls. Right now I am unemployed and quickly running out of money. The thought of having to have an interview to get a job makes me sick to my stomach. I am resentful of most people as well. I don’t understand how communication is so easily for others. Like where do their thoughts come from? BC I sure don’t have any. Idk. Suicide has been consuming my mind lately BC I really don’t think there is any hope for me and I can’t live like this. I am not living I am merely existing and it is excruciating
I can relate to feeling dumber than even very small children. It seems like my brain is broken and unable to produce any intelligent thoughts, or any thoughts at all other than desperate wishes to end my life. The only emotions I feel are dread (in situations which involve interacting with people) and desperate unhappiness and despair.
I have become a very cold, unfeeling person who is unable to empathize with others. Even upon hearing very sad news (I.e. mom’s friend’s daughter has cancer) I feel nothing but annoyance that people’s lives are cut short when they want to live, while I am stuck here, merely existing, as you said. Maybe I’m like this because I have spent most of my life alone. It’s definitely getting worse. My sister booked an appointment for me to see a counselor and I agreed to it just to be cooperative, but I have seen psychiatrists for years in the past and it hasn’t helped a bit because I have trouble communicating and expressing myself, mainly because I have no coherent thoughts to convey. If wishing to end my life early makes me a coward, then that’s what I am. My so called life is a living hell. Sorry to hear about the situation with your daughter. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to have a child.
Every time I hear about someone dying i am extremely jealous. I am too fearful of what lies on the other side to actually end my own life but I beg god everyday to take me out of this world and end my misery. But if life continues on this way, maybe the fear of things staying the same will out way the fear of taking my own life. Fear runs life entirely. Nothing at all brings me joy. Do you think there is any hope for us?
Fear runs my life too. All my decisions are based on fear and avoiding discomfort. I feel inferior in all situations and don’t ever feel like leaving the house anymore because even being on a sidewalk with a bunch of strangers, I feel like a worthless idiot.
I don’t think I qualify as a social phobia case because I don’t experience the usual telltale signs of anxiety, such as sweating, panic attacks, blushing, etc. I am simply unable to respond intelligently to human interaction, and have the conversational skills of an inanimate object.
Does your difficulty with communicating extend to written correspondence as well? I feel that my writing skills have never been as bad as they are now, and were far better over ten years ago in high school. I’ve tried keeping a diary in the past, but never got into it because I have little of substance to say even to a diary. Almost never post in forums because I sound dumb even in text. Don’t want to meet new people because there is nothing to me, no personality to get to know. I no longer have any hope for myself, but there might be hope for you. I wish I had something to recommend, but in my experience my condition did not respond to counselling or pills, my self-hatred is very deeply ingrained and I think well-justified and rational. Thanks again for posting here and making me feel less alone in my struggles to exist as a person.
You seem to have very good writing skills. Yes I feel that whatever I am suffering from effects my writing skills as well. It effects every area of mu life. I live with my aunt and can barely communicate with her, and when I do its very short responses. I so desperately with there was a medication out there that could cure me. I am like talking to a brick wall. I really think I have decided on suicide . Its now just a matter of how and when. I appreciate your posts as well
I am pretty set on it as well. I’ve been this way for my whole life and have lost all hope that things will get better. It is not something I can snap out of; sadly, it’s simply the way I am. It’s not a depression because I can’t remember any period in my life when my brain functioned normally and conversation and thoughts came naturally. Definitely feel like I need to do this within the next year before it gets any more unbearable to live with my empty head. I wish you the best in whatever you end up deciding to do with your life 🙂
I wish you the best as well. My email address is eliscottsmommy22@gmail.com if you ever want to talk/vent