I feel like life holds no purpose for me. I want to die. Everyday i wake up and ask myself is it over. Why did God make me so inadequate? I hate being here. So many times I’ve tried to end my life. They don’t work. I cut but the hurt still finds its way back. I can’t live with feeling unloved. Unheard. Misunderstood. Alone. Confused. Hated. It hurts being me. I smile but no one knows how much it takes to do that. I make it look easy but its not. I just need someone to help before i make the next step. I am so confused.
15 comments
From someone who knows how loneliness feels, I just want to say you are *never* alone here. The greatest thing you could have said was ‘the next step’. Hold onto to those words. Don’t believe that this is all there is. If you have ways to try to move forward, then the nightmare you’re living now will be over faster. If you need ways to move forward, this is one place to find them. You’ll find a purpose. It starts here, now. 🙂
I don’t think anyone can understand it.
I just want it to be over.
I am tired
I think plenty of people understand, especially here.
Who???
Can someone help me???
Everyone, at some point (if not all the time).
You might not have an answer but how do you think someone could help?
I don’t know…. I feel like i am being punished with these feeling. I really don’t know how someone could help me. But i do know that i want help….that i need help. I just don’t know what help. I’m sorry
Don’t be sorry. I understand. I don’t know what I can offer but hopefully I can offer some support here. It can help just to talk?
But there’s a lot that been unheard by me and when i try to talk they just shut me up….shut me out. And i feel like who wants to hear another sad story…
I would. If you could write it down maybe some of us can help… or at least chat a bit. I’m getting ready to sign off for the night but I’ll be back. Maybe you can share a bit more about how you ended up here?
Yeah
Ok so like i ended up here because there’s been alot of times when i have tried to hurt myself…or kill myself. Overdoses and things like that. I just wanted to talk to someone about how i feel everyday.. I wanted to find someone who could help direct me. I am SO confused. I have thought about dying almost everyday now. I am on meds but they don’t work. And even self mutilation doesn’t work. I want to die. Simple. But i am scared that after death is more pain. Do you want to hear more???
Yes, we want to hear more. That’s what this place is for. Expect responses that are all over the place. Some may help.
Meds may be helping you without you knowing. They *should* be accompanied by therapy. If you feel this bad you should be talking to a professional. …and here, too.
I am at a place where i thought i could reach out for but i can’t , not here. So can people can judge me? My life was really shitty. I was young when one of my foster mother son started touching me and things like that. I felt special though because he brought me things. No ones really ever brought me anything. So yeah i felt special. But then he would start calling me a *****, a hoe, dumb the list goes on. Like my mom physically abused me until i was 13 and then she gave up her rights to me. I went to live with my dad and then…he started beating the crap out of me too. I am the common denominator…so therefore it is my fault. But when i told someone they didn’t believe me. So…..it went on and on. He put me in the hospital for running away and then that when i found out i had biopolar type two. When i got released from the hospital the cycle continued.until acs came and put me in foster care. That was 3 years ago and i have been in the hospital over 20 times. Because i don’t know how to handle this….hurt and confusion. I feel like it too much for me by myself. Am i wrong?? Do you hate me now?? Are disgusted?? Because i will understand it’s my fault
First of all, I’m so sorry you went through so much abuse. That is truly horrific. My heart goes out to you, love. I think the fact that you’re still here typing shows that you’re strong. If you wait a bit longer and try to get as much help as possible, things won’t always be this way. You’re right – it’s more than one person should handle by themselves. Are you having any therapy yet, or is that what you meant when you said you can’t reach out? There are also free courses online where you can learn techniques to make you feel less depressed. But it could benefit you to talk to someone professional face to face, who can guide you the way.
Try not to worry about people judging you. I know it can feel impossible not to, but there’s no reason for anyone to hate you or feel disgusted – except at the things you’ve had to experience, which nobody should have to.
Yeah thats what i meant… I am at a rtc ( residential treatment center) but i don’t feel safe here. I cannot reach out to people that i should be able to. Plus my trust level …..going