I don’t think I’m going to last much longer. I’ve written letters to my roommates, parents, and a friend I’ve alienated letting them know that it isn’t their fault, and that there was nothing they could have done to have prevented it. I know they’re going to feel hurt and betrayed regardless, but I’m trying to make it as clear as possible that they’re not responsible in any way. I don’t know if there’s anything else I can do to make it easier for them. I really don’t want anyone I care about thinking that they could have done more, because they honestly couldn’t have.
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Tell me as little or as much as you are comfortable/can. Why do you want to commit suicide?
You came here for a reason, let me try to offer you a sliver of hope to go on.
I’ve been suicidal for years, but what’s pushing me over the edge now is the loss of a friend. I relied far too heavily on this person for advice and comfort, and now she won’t speak to me. She thinks I was being manipulative, which isn’t true. I’ve tried apologizing and explaining that my behavior is probably linked to Borderline Personality Disorder, but she refuses to respond.
I feel so awful for hurting this person and pushing her away. I can’t forgive myself. I feel like I need to end things so I don’t hurt anyone else.
“ending things” may end up hurting her and a lot more people. To be honest, they say that suicide is seflish, and personally, and at this moment, I do agree. I’ve got a lot of loved ones who would try to move heaven and Earth to try to stop me from ending myself — that’s how much they still want me around, even when I think that I should go.
Get to the root and heart of why you’ve been “suicidal for years” (seriously). Is it a lack of purpose? Is it something else? Go on a long drive and do a great deal of soul searching. Sometimes, if writing is going to help you to sort it out, then do so! Take as much time as you need to “self discover”. A little investment should go a long way.
Give your friend as much distance as she needs while it sounds like you need to do a whole lot of soul searching and figuring out your own identity and future. Give her her time and as much as she needs and just focus on improving yourself.
It sounds to me like you may have gotten too needy and clingy and she may have become annoyed by that. Take what she HAS given you over the years, apply those things and time to grow up and to discover your new you in this world — even the new you without her. I’ve had friends who have come and gone and I’ve learned to appreciate their good graces and moved on to new life.
Again, just take a step back and do a lot of deep soul searching and give her all the time that she needs. Right now, I’m a bit tired, so this is all I’m going to say right now without a lot of going back and rereading. Best wishes.
October_rain
I don’t think there’s a new life worth going on for, unfortunately.
wish i had an answer to that one…
Wish I knew too, maybe I wouldn’t be here anymore then. Still, I hope you things change for you and that you can live a happier life with your loved ones with you.
Hope things change*, sigh . and I hope I stop making typos and typing unnecessary words. Good morning, SP
Think of it this way: If the death of your friend triggered this then someone, one of your friends, is on the edge and you might give them that last push too.
I know it’s not a too good of a reason but if it keeps you going hold on to it.