Its hard.
Really hard.
Ever since I started to fuck up the only light that lead me out of that dark place.
Now that light is closer to me, though it feels a lot dimmer.
I fucked up. I fucked it up.
I killed it. I destroyed its own self and now im messing around with things i think I know to try and fix it.
I make the light dimmer.
I know i need to learn to be able to stand alone.
I can. Can I?
Is it really me all the time?
It is.. is it? I think it is..
Times have changed and the light grows dimmer.
The light i once knew is gone. I killed it.
Even it knows it isnt that dim.
I destroyed who you were and you became the outcome of my bullshit.
Sometimes.. its like all the worlds problems are gone.
Or are they? Is it actually still dim but wearing a brighter mask? I dont know. I dont know…
Do you really regret nothing.
Do you really want to turn your light off now?
Then why? Have I given you no choice?
When its all over how happy will you be to turn yourself away from me?
Will you even? I dont know. You say you will. I dont know.
How hard must you devastate someone to kill who they are and transform them into a whole other person?
Am I nothing but negative scrap in life?
In yours?
Will depression, anxiety and the inevitable psychosis catch my tail again?
I dont know.
Theres your answer. I dont know.
And it usually is okay to not know.
But not now.
Its not okay now, and it will never be.
Ever again.
I need to stop.
I need to find out.
Ive never been so confused before.
Fuck me.
Goodnight.