I’m just so tired.
I never had that feeling . The need to die. I always cope with things, and pretend everything is okay but it’s not. I’m having a fight with my best friend. Everything in my life is so fake. My friends are fake and i hate my body so much. I have literally no one to talk to. My dad is somewhere around the world with his girlfriend and mom is working all the time. My birthday is coming up this Friday and i feel so depressed and lonely.
Someone wrote here, “i wish i could achieve the peace of death without actually dying”
I wish for it to. It’ll be the best birthday present i’ll ever get.
But i thing i wouldn’t want to live until than.
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8 comments
What’s your astrological sign? Libra?
As for birthdays, I spend all of them alone. I’ve never given a party or had friends coming to my birthday. Only the close relatives call me on my birthday.
Yeah i’m libra..
Emma! Right now I’m petting a kitty named Emma Woodhouse. Well, I was. She ran off to chase a fly.
Hey, arguments with friends happen. My BFF and I have disagreements, but that didn’t stop him from crying on my shoulder when his wife ran off to join the circus or me crashing on his couch for six months when I was homeless. Give it some time and space. Deep breaths, OK?
Yeah, your life, your friends, maybe even you may be fake. I think everybody starts out that way in modern western civilization. It’s a trade off; you are force fed a media saturated diet but, hey, no diphtheria or black plague! We call this progress.
Going from fake to authentic to genuine is easy if you keep your eyes and mind open. It’s a painful growth process, but not super painful, all things considered.
Being able to openly express your feelings and love your body are tough issues to tackle. In a way those things are related to being non-fake. Don’t buy into popular culture telling you how you should look or act. Work at being the best YOU you can be. Once get down that path a ways lots of other things in life will make more sense… or you will learn not to give a flying flip about the stuff that makes no sense.
Birthdays should be days filled with wonderful presents! Give yourself the gift of a good day. Be firm in purpose and say to yourself that you aren’t going to worry about the stupidity or meanness of the world for 24 hours. Buy yourself some flowers. Eat some chocolate. Have a laugh.
Happy birthday, Emma! Congrats, you made it through another year. That IS an accomplishment!
Thank you so much. I saw your comment first thing in the morning and it made me so happy. I need a change and getting rid from all the fake habits of mine and fake friends of mine will be a blast.
Thank you for the inspiration. You helped me a lot ??
Sure, get rid of the fakes if you want… but do it with love. So many people are like baby ducks… whatever is the first thing they see they think is their mother. People imprint on Katy Perry or Justin Beebuuur or pink sweatpants not because they are inherently fake, but because they are horribly empty. Have sympathy, but, yeah, get the hell away from them.
Find the weird awkward smelly kids at school. Yeah, their social skills may suck, but their weirdness is usually 100% original.
Don’t forget: Friday. Do No Give A Shit About All the BS in the World. Your day
Your rules.
Hi Emma. 🙂
Please live ’til your birthday has passed. They can be so hard to deal with when you feel depressed, but try not to let it make you more suicidal. Things will be easier once it’s gone by.
Things aren’t okay now, but they can be in the near future. Try to remember that however much pain those problems are causing you now, they won’t stay as painful forever. They won’t exist forever. Fights happen. I’ve never lost a friend through a fight, so hopefully you’ll work it out together. I went through years of hating my body – I could go into detail about it but I don’t wanna bore you, so for now I’ll just say that it won’t always be as painful. Depression generally causes you to focus intensely on any issues that cause you pain. When you feel better, you won’t see things in the same way. Things won’t hurt like they do now, and any problems will feel more solvable. I promise.
Please keep trying to fight this. You don’t have to pretend everything is okay. Look for things to help – things that have helped other people recover from depression. Keep posting here (if it’s helpful). Don’t give up.
Thank you. I hope everything will get better soon. And i’ll do my best staying alive 🙂
So glad to hear that. 🙂