I’ll keep this short.
I’m 36 male been suffering with stress and anxiety for a couple of years. Drove my wife and two kids away that I love very much about two months ago.
Been having counselling for a while and been on propanalol which doesn’t seem to help.
I don’t want to die but neither do I want to love this new life.
My wife says she loves me but doesn’t want to try and work things out. I have been a bit manic trying to get her back. She meets me now and then but only to be friends and have the kids together.
I have tried suicide on numerous occasions but get scared or too much pain and stop.
What also stops me is thought of leaving my kids and also probably false hope we will get back together.
When I ask my wife if she wants a divorce she says not at the moment and not to push her either way. This then gives me hope which I’m not sure is real or false.
I’m sick of the pain and just want my family back.
I’m not sure if I’m paranoid also as she is guarded when using her phone near me and quickly stopped texting yesterday when I approached and put her phone in her pocket! Is she seeing someone else.
My options as I see them.
1 hang in there give my wife space and show her we can be friends and I’m on the mend in the hope we will be together.
2 stop kidding myself accept its over live with the pain forever for the sake of my kids
3 take this life away
Thoughts on this or help on how I can control my feelings greatly appreciated.
8 comments
Option 3 is not an option (in my personal opinion); I also heard that it’s illegal.
It looks to me like the only option that you have left is 2.
If your wife is defensive, she’s probably seeing somebody else and doesn’t want you to know wbout it. I know that hurts to hear. A woman will crawl over borken glass to come be with you if she is in love with you; that’s just the truth. And messy apartments have not stopped past women from still wanting to come over (and help me clean it)!
Hate to break it to you bro, but it sounds like the romance is dead. Seriously. DEAD. Move on. I don’t take abandonment and you shouldn’t either.
Why does she not want a divorce just yet? It could be that she’s working other things out behind the scene, like securing things with that other guy first. Then if you’re in the States, my understanding is that she’s gonna take half your stuff with her! Not a pleasant thing for me, as a dude, to hear.
Looks to me like your only option is to get yourself together and start seeing other women. This is all I’ve got for now, maybe more later.
Propranolol is primarilly a BP drug, so I doubt it’s going to help your mood.
When a relationship breaks it is years in the making; it’s not just one thing.
I suggest getting a lawyer or chose mediation for your divorce.
Yes, you owe it to your kids to stick around. Stay in therapy. Show your children that you can grow and adapt.
Safe journeys.
My Doctor put me on Propranolol for high blood pressure but he chose that particular drug for its secondary effects. It is a Beta blocker and has proven to work well to calm anxiety and especially well for social anxiety with panic attacks. Apparently many students take this drug before exams to help settle pre-exam nerves.
Very interesting!
I think it’s clear that, from a rational perspective, option 1 is the best for you and the people around you.
I don’t know if it’s a good thing that she’s unsure about getting a divorce at the moment, especially if she hasn’t been willing to try to work things out. Usually it’s easier long-term to know one way or another earlier on, but hopefully it means there’s still a chance you could be together again. As for the phone, it could be that, or she could be texting about you, or it could even be nothing at all. In my opinion you have every right to ask her, although it could lead to more problems if you (or she) becomes confrontational about it. I really feel for you. It’s an awful situation to find yourself in.
I don’t think you have to see it as a decision between dying and accepting this new life. Things won’t stay as they are now.
I think it’s very important that you keep trying for your children, whatever happens in your relationship. It doesn’t sound like she’s letting you do anything to change things there. If you don’t want to or aren’t ready to take things into your own hands and move on, then give her the space she wants. Meanwhile try to focus on yourself, and take one day at a time. Trying to find more ways to cope with the stress and anxiety will help. I would stick with the counselling but look for other ways to help yourself as well. Ask around. See what’s helped other people. Look for ways to reduce the pain rather than trying to find an immediate escape (death) or imagining a life trying to live with it. Look for the middle ground. I can’t really recommend any coping techniques because I’m still searching myself, but there are plenty out there. The key is to find some and practice relentlessly until you start to feel calmer and less depressed. When you have all those thoughts about death and the future, try to focus on now, and getting through the next hour and day. Good luck to you. 🙂
Yeah propranalol stops the physical effects of anxiety but doesn’t alter mood or performance and isn’t addictive like sedatives.
I think SeeSmith has good advice there.
It would be terrible for your kids if you kill yourself. Maybe your wife is seeing someone and maybe not. She might have been texting someone about meeting you or just texting a friend about something private. She probably wants what is best for the kids. If the relationship isn’t good that’s no good for the kids. She probably loves you but sees no future in your relationship. That’s no reason to kill yourself even though it probably feels like it right now. You can get better and have a good relationship with your children. You will probably meet someone else eventually. The fact that your wife still meets you makes me sure that she just wants what is best for the children. So I guess I am going for option 2 but saying that you don’t necessarily have to be in pain for the rest of your life.
My personal opinion is, a mix of option 1 and 2. You need to give your wife her space, but minus the will be together part. When you’re giving her space, its her decision to come back or not. You need to accept this for the sake of the kids but doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll need to live with the pain forever.
Shift your love for her to your kids. Watch them grow up. Most of us here don’t really have any reason to keep on moving forward or we simply stopped searching for that reason. You on the other hand have 2 kids. That’s more than enough reason to keep on moving forward. It’s too bad it didn’t work out with your wife and maybe she is seeing someone else. But for now you need to focus on yourselves. Get it together first before you start seeing other women or even start to win your wife back. Just remember that your kids need their dad. No one could replace you as their dad. And you need to make sure of it
Thanks for the responses its good to know even though I don’t know you, you care to take time to respond.
Just to let you know I also symptomize for all your problems too and hope you find happiness in your lives.