Just a rant. Sorry it’s so long. Read it if you want.
I think it’s time for me to go. I cant take this. Everything I do. Every single thing I do. Is wrong. I’m really tired. I really.feel like I don’t belong anywhere. And that feeling is trapping. And I hate feeling trapped. I can’t trust anyone. I’m always afraid of what everyone thinks of me. I’m tired of being judged. I always feel like I’m being.judged. it’s time for me to go. This whole “staying positive ” bullshit just isn’t for me. I’m feeling sick. Like I want to break down. But I’m not going to causr crying is not something I do. I’m not happy.I will never be. I know people say that only youhave the power to change your life but. I’m weak. There is no power in me. and whatever little there was is gone, and it has been for a while. I need to get out of here. Fast. But where would I go? I need to just go somewhere, somewhere that will help me. But I’m starting to think that there is no where . I’ve been waiting for a sign. A sign to guide me. But I’m realizing that there is never going to be a sign. And im putting my hope in something that’s never gonna happen, once again. Now tomorrow I have to go back to school and smile in everyone’s faces. Just so they don’t notice anything. There’s no point of me going there. I don’t learn anything. I don’t understand anything. I’m trapped there. It used to be only 5 days. Week but now my mother signed me up for a kids Christian program on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays, and now I’m trapped 7 days a week for who knows how long. I cant leave the group. Everyone already expects me to stay. I don’t want to let anyone down anymore.
3 comments
Sometimes, we just have to go through the motions knowing that someday we’ll be making our own decisions , and we’ll be doing what we choose. Until then, you do you and let everyone else do them.
Freedom exists in writing on here or in a journal. Writing can help you remember who you are and later remind you of the struggles you’ve overcome.
Education is important and can pave the way to freedom; however, if you’re overcome with anxiety and desperation, you will have a hard time reaching your potential. Look for an adult at school or in the Christian program that you can confide in. Maybe talking to your mom could help; who knows?
It’s just too soon to give up.
Everything you do is wrong? Now that you’ve realized that, flip it around and do things differently for different results.
“I really.feel like I don’t belong anywhere.” Yes you do. You’re here, you’re still breathing, so you still have life to live, life to give, and a purpose. You may have just been with the wrong crowd and where you weren’t needed. Go where you are needed.
“I’m always afraid of what everyone thinks of me.” You are self conscious for a reason; is it your weight? Some other thing that you can do something about? Get some goals and plans together to help that and find a good friend to work with you as you help him or her as well.
” I’ve been waiting for a sign. A sign to guide me. But I’m realizing that there is never going to be a sign.” Yeah there is. How about this one? Are you too dependent on others? Just start somewhere — anywhere, really — and start small. As they say, that journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.
“There’s no point of me going there. I don’t learn anything. I don’t understand anything.” I think school just isn’t for everyone. But that doesn’t mean you still can’t have a pretty successful life, as other high school dropouts have gone on to successful careers.
“I cant leave the group. Everyone already expects me to stay. I don’t want to let anyone down anymore.” You might be depending too much on people’s thoughts and opinions of you. Make a decision for yourself.
You are not weak you are strong! You had the courage to come here and share your story. Try not to think about others judging you it’s difficult but don’t beat yourself up if you fall back. Just know it doesn’t matter how many times you fall what matters is how fast you get up. I hope you have a peaceful night and a good day tomorrow