but .. she betrayed me … ! who is she … it’s life !! yup … it’s life …
i sow it .. a beautiful and loved it .. i wanted to live it .. i wanted to stay in it .. i didn’t ever wanna leave .. but it’s forcing me to !! i didn’t ever wanted .. it’s kicking me out .. like i am a ball ! why .. know i made many mistakes ! if god is watching he will know i’m not the only one .. alot of people had made many mistakes and many of them got the bless of forgiveness ,, but no one would forgive me .. they say it’s who i am ! that i am a bad person with a bad blood .. like the muddy blood .. and they are a royal blood .. maybe they are better … better than me , i made a mistakes .. but still i’m not the only one .. i want to die silently … and i don’t want anyone to know that i killed myself , i once said NO TO METHODS and should not be answered .. but i really need a method by know . i want to die and i want them to think that i just died with no reason , like it’s the god job , he just took my soul . i didn’t kill myself , i want to fall asleep and never be awaken again . i don’t speak to my mom by now , i don’t want her to think that she is the reason why i killed myself , i don’t want her to know that i killed myself she will put the blame on herself .. and i don’t want my brother to know that i was depressed and desperate, i want them to remember me as the laughter , i used to make them laugh and go crazy , eventhough the want to kill me sometimes but they do love me , and i love them , no body else will care if i was dead or alive , no one will think of me , even the one that i love , he doesn’t really care if i was dead or alive , he will never notice my absence , he will be glad to know that i have died ,, my father , he will think it was becouse he doesn’t have any money to give me , he will think it’s becouse i’m not with the one i love , he doesn’t know yet that the one i love doesn’t love me ,, i don’t want them to know anything , i don’t want anyone to know how depressed , desperate, sad i was .. i don’t them to know how weak i am . i want to die silently and i need a method , i tried pills before it only got me sick not DEAD .. i want to sleep and never wake again .. i want to die today . right now , i don’t want to cry anymore , or feel this way , i only want to die now . PLEASE HELP
4 comments
I think to hide the fact that it’s a suicide, you’d need quite a lot of careful planning. But whoever they remember you as, they’ll be devastated.
It’s not weak to feel that way. And all of us here have those “right now” times, whether they’re 99% of the time or only 5%. But sometimes you just need to keep getting through the next moment until things are a bit less desperate.
Your family would probably understand that you’re strong if you told them what you’re trying to fight. You can’t always expect people to understand, but they’ll understand it better this way than if you died.
I’m sorry you’re feeling so awful. I know this post was put up a while ago – I hope you’re feeling a bit better now. I’m about to fall asleep so I’ll be back in a few hours. I hope you’re okay. Please keep trying.
tired of trying , i just have to die or go fucking crazy .!
I know the feeling but this is the worst part of it. I hope things are better soon. It always feels like the worst part will last forever but it’ll get easier.
i feel the same way. No method out there where you won’t be found