life comes so easy to so many people. decent people around them. decent grades at school. decent personality. decent appearance.
thats all i really wanted. an average, decent life. i could live with that. but not this life where everything is a struggle.
things do work out better for some. dont tell me nothing good comes easy. the only good that comes easy for me is these suicidal thoughts and plans because they are my only escape from this hell life.
i am back to lying in bed all day staring at the walls falling in and out of sleep. it makes sense that this is how it all turned out.
i dont have the energy to do it right now but hopefully when i wake up i will stop planning to kill myself and actually do it.
forget planning the last day. forget planning where and when. i hope by this time tomorrow i will have breathed my last breath.
these little gems best work first time.
4 comments
Life does come easy to many people. But, easy life or hard life, I think the problems are the demons in one’s soul.
There are some who struggle with daily bumps and hurdles, but who are happy, glad, and grateful.
There are some who seem to have a very decent life with no apparent major struggles, but who feel hopeless and doomed.
It sounds like you’ve decided not to go to your favorite place which provided some comfort to you.
Is there somewhere nearby, outside, around a corner, where you can go for some peaceful time in nature? I find that nature brings me some peace.
Yesterday was a dreadful day for me. So I decided that today I would go outside and enjoy some of nature’s beauty. Most times that I am outside, I barely notice the plant and animal activity. But today I walked outside, took a deep breath, looked up at the bright blue sky with the fluffy white clouds, felt the gentle breeze, watched the tree leaves rustling in the wind, listened as the birds chirped. I felt calm.
I then decided to immerse myself in some yard work and got good and dirty with pulling some weeds and tending to some plants. I felt an improved spirit. After about an hour, I came inside and decided to take a long shower. A few days ago, I bought a bag of Honey Crisp apples. Right before stepping into the shower, I decided to get an apple and eat the apple in the shower . . . . . which I have never done before. Never, ever took food into the shower. I completely enjoyed every bite of that apple. And I decided that an apple in the shower, after enjoying some time in nature, is a gift to myself.
Sometimes we can find something that makes us feel ok, even for just an hour.
that sounds so pleasant…i wish i could get out of bed and breath in some nature. there is a nice park 15 minutes away. but i dont want to see anyone on my walk down. there i go making excuses. i like your mentality. i should decide today will be a better day than previous. the thing is, i feel so obliged to go back into work and fake a smile. to play happy families so i dont have to be nagged at. i am just frozen with feeling overwelmed. maybe if i get my sh*t together and leave my room i will find something that makes me feel ok, just ok, thats a good place to start.
You are absolutely right. Life does come easy for a lot of people. Good Appearance, grades and personality is all I ever wanted and unfortunately that failed. Of course I’m not going to stop you from what you’re going to do because that would be hypocritical of me. But I wish you the best of luck.
we are in the same boat. thanks for not judging. maybe we will find something we are decent at before we die? and the best of luck to you too.