… to be confident? so sure of yourself, to live independent of what others think of you? i’m asking because i genuinely don’t know. i’ve never liked myself. i’ve always been bullied and disliked, because i’m ugly, fat, weird. my gender makes me naturally inferior. i’m weak and overemotional. i’ve been told i need to love myself. how do i love myself if i am everything i hate??
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One of ways to learn to start loving you is to look at what you think is wrong and ask yourself why you think so. Is it because other people said it or do you really feel that way. Would you feel dislike for someone else if they had that trait? For example, you mentioned overemotional. Would you dislike someone for that? Is it really a bad thing? If you can learn to accept yourself more then loving yourself becomes easier. Don’t let others decide who you should be. Be who you are. And when you start putting yourself down stop and think would I put others down for this? No. So why do it to yourself.
You stated your gender makes you naturally inferior. Interesting concept. I am going to go on the assumption you are female?
yes. unfortunately
I’ve always considered women to be the stronger of the two sexes. Not physically that would be silly, but spiritually. Emotionally. I don’t want to get bashed by all the guys around here though so if may only be my limited perspective. I have had the pleasure of knowing few truly strong men. I’m going to duck now.
You know ehat? I should not have said that. It was diparaging to every man on here. I’m so sorry men. Please ignore my brief detour into the clearly insensitive area of assuming one whole gender is one way or another. Feel free to delete that garbage. Any human can be string. Shit I’m really sorry.
Since I appear to have this bias I CLEARLY need to meet a better calibre of man in my life. Could be a good new years resolution. Note to self: meet stronger men.
I fail to see where you went wrong. There are mass generalizations all over this page. I’ve yet to see one that is offensive. I do worry about how you expect to be physically abused for speaking your mind.
Personally, I am a pacifist titty baby that is so weak that I ask for and accept help at the drop of a hat and I never have the energy to argue or tell people how to run their lives. I cry in public whenever I see my son and just about every other emotion I have I wear on my sleeve.
I get so tired of the fact that people judge me based in how I look. Just because I’m male, 6’3″, with blue eyes and nice lips, people assume I know how to build houses, repair cars and appliances, plant and weed gardens, instal security systems and ceiling fans, and blacksmith horseshoes. The fact that I can actually do all these things is irrelevant.
When people find out that I’m kinda smart they assume I know how to write code, fix computers, navigate using a sextant, speak six languages, and explain quantum particle interactions with Feynman diagrams. And when I tell them I can do all that *except* speak six languages (I can only read Latin, which doesn’t count) they act like I’m defective or a traitor to my gender.
I was so glad when I quit my job at the grocery store. All the time, whenever they needed someone extra to unload trucks they would grab me. I begged and begged for them to train me in floral but they wouldn’t listen.
Nobody every bothers to ask me what *I* want to do. I just want to cook, clean, do the laundry, wash windows, and keep a nice house. Maybe have a small formal dinner party once a month so I can show off the Redwing dinner set I found when I was antiquing.
White Male Privilege is a straight-jacket.
:O Smith, if you were a bigger guy and kind of a bad boy or reformed bad boy… lol I can’t cook worth a crap, and wouldn’t mind at all if I could make the money to survive off of, and have a big & tall loverboy to come home to. That’s been the big dream of mine since I was 5.
Sometimes something someone says makes me fire off things before I think them out. Not knowing anyone here I didn’t want to alienate anyone. You clearly where your male privilege jacket well.
Thank you, hon, you are sweet. Sadly, I think you would say I was too skinny. In 2011, when I was 325, you’d like me – possibly two or three times a day. Now I’m only 220. And… I have no ass. Flat as a board. In fact, I may have Negative Ass.
HaDS: I myself am a big unthinking blurter, as I have just amply demonstrated. At least you can claim things were unintentional. I, on the other hand, am creative skilled in being flat out wrong.
@ Hazy Day Sunflower:
I don’t think you’re gonna find a lot of men on a suicide site arguing that men are the stronger sex 🙂
I’ve personally always believed the same: that women are stronger emotionally. Then again, how could I possibly know? My belief probably has more to do with my issues than anything. Anyway, as you say, people are individuals.
I know the feeling. More than anyone. I’ve always been hated. Always considered fat and ugly since before I was even old enough for preschool. And I’m trans. Sometimes I don’t know what it means to me anymore. I haven’t changed. I was the girl who looked like a boy and was hated for it. Now I’m old and fatter than holy hell due to a back injury. I’ll never know what it’s like to feel normal or to be loved. I don’t know how all the arrogant people get away with walking around like everyone should bow down to them.
well, it’s the physical part that bothers me, considering that’s the only strength that matters. i’m not a believer in the spiritual, and i myself am not emotionally strong. i have no strengths, at least not ones that matter. i will always be weak and inferior.
oops, replied to the wrong person. that was supposed to be for HazyDaySunflower.
I still have a lot of hate for myself, although I’m slowly getting past it. In the past I never understood how you could love yourself. It takes a lot of practice to start thinking differently about yourself – ideally practicing every day, if it’s something that you think about a lot. I think one thing that helps is starting to think about the ways that you’re just another person – the ways you’re similar rather than different. Just like anyone else there are things about you (thoughts and behaviours and characteristics) that are amazing, and things about you that cause problems for yourself or others. I think once you see yourself as less different from others, it can also help to connect with them and not take criticism as personally.
It does take time to stop letting the the things other people say and think about you hurt you so badly. Maybe you could start looking at it from an outsider’s perspective – if someone else said those things to someone (that they were fat, ugly etc), would you think it was fair? Or if they did something wrong, would you expect or want them to feel so bad over it?
There are lots of general differences between the genders but there isn’t anything that all males or all females are better at. Physical strength is a major difference. Even then, women can build an amazing amount of strength as well. Thankfully we live in a society where physical strength isn’t often an issue. Being overemotional can be a problem, but it isn’t a character flaw, and it can even be a positive at times. Being sensitive can mean you’re more likely to get hurt or picked on, but it be a good thing too – it can mean that you understand other people’s feelings in a way that some people can’t, and connect with them on a deeper level. If you can’t hide your emotions, it might mean you let them out more easily without keeping them bottled up and becoming bitter or angry, which is helpful to you and the people around you. Being overweight or ugly doesn’t matter to everyone (and some people will see you as beautiful, whatever you think). Being weird can be a huge plus. Weird people are often the most interesting.
All the things you hate about yourself don’t necessarily have to be flaws. You’ll probably think about a lot of them differently over time, and parts of yourself that you still want to change in the future can be changed. The first step to loving who you are is accepting who you are now – a person with good and bad in them, just like the rest of us. Eventually you’ll start to create a part of your mind that disagrees with those thoughts about hating yourself, and those thoughts will get weaker over time.
I used to be a very confident person. It felt awesome, I didn’t second guess myself all the time, I was able to take on new challenges and strive to better myself. That being said, I always had a big paranoia of being disrespected. Now that my confidence is gone though…I don’t trust a thing I say or do and always feel like an idiot. I feel like I’ve totally failed and am not worthy anymore. The only time I feel confident is when I’m around people that see something in myself that I can’t see anymore. I’m also scared to be around them because I may disappoint them. It’s a vicious circle. Confident people have their ups and downs too. There is no person out there that doesn’t have their issues.
I’ve been where you are. I was in a toxic relationship and doubted my every move. You can get past this. You can recapture your strength.
I can relate, because I have very low confidence at the moment, and have had it for most of my life.
But I do remember that in my last years of high school and my first years after leaving home (before everything went pear-shaped), I developed a certain sense of self.
I didn’t think my way there. Not mainly. It was more of a feeling, of doing my own thing. I think you’ll find it in most teenage rebellion: doing stuff that pisses your parents off, partly to communicate that what you wear etc. is really none of their business.
I wasn’t really rebelling against my parents as much as trying to live my own values, but the point is, I slowly ground out some sort of personality and confidence by DOING things I believed in DESPITE the judgement of others.
The only other time I’ve felt a quiet confidence was by contagion from a very special person.