I know it isn’t healthy but I self medicate with alcohol to deal with my depression. Everybody thinks it’s a good thing that I drink a lot “Oh there he goes again at the bar! What a cool guy” or “Wish I could drink all the time like he does”. Going to the bar is comforting. I really like to see all the different people hanging out enjoying themselves. I almost always go alone, so the staff there kinda started to talk to me and I’m pretty good friends with them now I guess. But they aren’t really friends per se, just loose acquaintances I guess? Even them, I see them all working and then afterwards having some drinks and having fun and I like to be around them. They include me I think because they pity me, but I’m not “one of the group” and I’ve accepted that fact. I live vicariously through them. I know it isn’t good for me to do what I do. But I do it because it helps me get through the work week. I have a reputation for being a very mature drinker for my age (22) and I do live up to that. Also it’s because I watch my peer group doing shots at the bar and puking in the streets, while I drink a scotch and have a beer. It’s a bad thing what I do, I know that. Many people have told me to tone it back, but I think it’s a necessary evil for me right now. Maybe they’re right, maybe I am.
I’m not too good at this whole self expression deal so I suppose I’ll leave it at that. Cheers.
9 comments
Hi there;
I’m an alcoholic. Most “weekend warriors” I put to shame. They puke and act silly. Me? I drink like tonight is my last night on earth.
That’s probably not healthy if you care about the future. If you want to be “a productive member of society” you’ll need to “keep your wits about you”.
Fuck that.
Do what you want to do, eventually you’ll die regardless of your lifestyle choices. *cheers*. 🙂
I can really relate with this post although drinking doesn’t do much for me in terms of self-medicating. But it can be fun (if I’m in a good mood). “Going to the bar is comforting.” – exactly, I feel the same way. I’m always alone when I arrive but as long as no one pesters me unnecessarily, I’m good.
I don’t visit just one bar all the time although now I’ve visited the local bars enough that the long-term staff all recognize me when I visit. Oh well.
Yeah I used to be an alcoholic, and I feel ya post. I know what ya mean by you need it right now. Who cares whatever gets you through the day and going to work I say! Lol.. I went through hell in my life and some days the only reason I got out of bed was to drink. Drinking seriously did save my life and give my confidence back blah blah blah…. People cope the best way they know how! And as long as your drinking classy and don’t be abusive towards anyone there’s no problem keep drinking at the bar 🙂
Nothing wrong with what you are doing unless you feel compelled. People get tired of dishing out pity so if the staff is nice to you it’s probably because you are a decent sort.
I grew up in a bar and some of the regulars were proxy fathers to me. I’ve seen enough to know socialization is socialization. What works, works. People that socialize at church aren’t necessarily having deeper, more meaningful relationships. Softball dads and soccer moms. Bridge players. Sex dungeon fetishists. Suicide message board posters. We’re all passing the time.
So your story was interesting but you really didn’t talk about your depression. What is up? Why are you here? Have you ever considered opening your own bar?
I don’t think I could handle the responsibility of opening a bar to be honest. It seems like a good idea but, as it happens so frequently with depression, I have serious anxiety that I’m not sure I could overcome in order to manage something like that. Maybe one day down the road though.
I have serious anxiety as well, but I dream of opening a retail clothing store. Quite the bad combination, I know, but I might as well keep attempting happiness, right? My track record for attempts of happiness have been persistent failure, but if I never try, then I’ll still always be miserable.
I also believe that turning something you love into your life would be a great thing. I think owning your own business would help you express yourself and make you into who you want to be, seeing as how there would be no restrictions by someone else.
But maybe that’s just me. Anyways, it may help.
I think you could do it InhAnx. By the time you get your business licence and lease retail space you’ll be ready to be a bitter, hard hearted boss. Hire some kids from a coal mine or orphans and in no time you’ll be a job creator.
Dealing with customers is easy. Bow and scrape, bow and scrape.
I’ve done this a few times. In many ways, coming up with a name and a logo is more terrifying than anything that follows.
My big mistake was naming my business Donner Party Snacks (“Every treat has a bit of my mother in it.”).
SeeSmith, you never fail to make me laugh.
And yes, I will hire all the wayward, misfit kids. I will be the perfect boss everyone dreams about. I will work hard enough to hire people to deal with customers for me.
My freshman year of high school I had to make a business plan for a project, so I already have my name and design of my store.
I’ll be sure to think really hard on my slogan, though.
+1