Im sorry fellows, i dont give a crap about new year or what ever people make up to celebrate, tomorrow is just another day. And yes every new day is the best day to start over.
I never did, i just used to take advantage (of the celebration ) to be with the person that i loved.
But now i really dont care.
But if i could wish something i could choose to get my heart stunned, so stunned that i wouldnt even bother try to talk or meet new friends, girls.. After all i lost all i wanted to be.
It is always an effort, and it feels like that, its not natural, i feel the need, and this is bad, very bad, i create always a new illusion that i know its nothing, but its still in there, it hurts, it makes me feel alone and deep.
I just want to shut down myself, i just want to stop feeling, than i could break free. I had enough joy and now enough depression.
Once had a future a dream, today only memories and regrets floating around.
Good night guys. Have fun.
2 comments
I relate to this. I never cared much for the big celebrations (cared a bit more about christmas), but i always respected it (and still do) just for the people around me that do like this stuff. Many times it was also time that i’d spend with my ex, so after that was gone… yup, most of the sense of it was lost.
That’s the prob of taking that chance. It could go in a good or bad way, but every time it ends just… takes a piece of you (at least that’s how i feel it). In the end you end up faking it, which is freaking exhausting. The only way i’ve been able to deal with it is place 0 expectations on every relationship (either friendship or love). It isn’t easy (and doesn’t always work for me), but it takes away a big chunk of the aftermath, which does help.
I do hope you can get your dream and future at one point, even if it’s different from the one you had. Even if you don’t go out and celebrate it, hopefully you’ll have a peaceful and not so bad night, it’s just a digit change after all, heh.
“it’s just a digit change after all” -> good title for the post xD
“0 expectations” – exactly mate, that’s the right way, but as human, as a hurted person, its very hard to do not “seek” something, brain says one thing, heart says other.
Im going out to “celebrate”, i wasted almost 200 euros already on the shit to go out lol, im going to a place that is not even my face at all, well its a party so… not my thing, but there we go again, lets play normal? lol
About it taking pieces of you.. i’m not sure if there’s any piece left :p i dont even know if i will have another chance to find out anyways.
It’s very hard to live, to live trying hard, looking for. We are normal outside, but inside we are starving, theres a unsolved puzzle inside of us.. something that we cannot solve ourselfs and i doubt that someone will appear magicaly out nowhere to save us, and live happily after.
Life is not twiligh, life is not a book, life is what it is, life is hard, worse than it all, life has no point, we are just around because theres some kind of “forcing feelling”.