Only all the time. But for me, it’s because during episodes, my brain makes it hard for me to organize thoughts. That’s why they considered schizophrenia for a bit. I’m not schizophrenic though. A lot of times, I have the words, but they aren’t real words, but ones I made up, and I forget that no one understands them but me. Then there’s the difficult task of remaining on topic or remembering what the topic was in the first place.
Does something similar happen to you, or am I way off?
Sometimes you feel like there is so much you want to say…. just nobody to listen or care so yeah, you erase it all. Trying to hold on, trying to be smart and not -drama queen/king-, or just to not humiliate yourself. Another day passes, and you are hurting and hurting and hurting… and it piles up. In our society, showing feelings or scars, troubles, pain is equal to weakness and gives you eternal mark of a – LOSER -, an aura of almost plague, nobody wants to come near….
Sometimes it just feels good to express ourselves through writing with no particular point intended. That’s why I keep a journal. I’ll notice when I’m highly stressed to the point of suicide I can write out what is bothering me and instantly feel better.
Completely unrelated but I didn’t want to post twice in a day but I just took the Zung self rate depression scale test psychiatrists use and rated 67 points. Depressed is usually 51-69 max points 80. Just….on my mind.
Thats awful but yeah, I do get it and am not surprised… scale of sadness and depression is actually something soooo hard to determine, or measure. Lame enough to say, I am glad we have this site where we, wackos, can speak our minds and compare our dang, without being stigmatised…
This place is filled with more misfits and wackos than anywhere else I know. They are also the most caring, golden-hearted, feeling and honest people I know. I need this community and care for this community more than I can explain.
The funny thing to me is that I feel like everyone here is normal lol and that I can be normal as a result simply by having a place to be myself. Is anyone familiar with the Icarus project ? I’ve felt that way there too but the community doesnt seem to be as active anymore.
I do this every time I try to type something. But usually I try typing when I’m still freshly emotional. In the middle of my breakdown, there’s too many thoughts going on in my head and I just want to get it all out. Then when I reread it, I can have five thoughts within one sentence. And I’m like no one is going to understand this but me and the people who did this to me, so I delete it and try again when my brain has processed everything.
Don’t delete anything, go with it, post it. Don’t keep it inside and why? All of us doing it for ages thats why we ended here… Please DO share. You might open someone’s else closed locked, people need to pour out their pain, their misery, fears and …just themselves. Don’t hold. This is the free-zone, please do share, we all need to know we are NOT alone in this or the other – oddness- of ours. <3
I was dashing trough the posts… how many people here are actually adults, with adult issues
(not saying it is all teenage drama, don’t get me wrong), but yeah… am I doing something wrong around here?
I’m a few decades old, and I’m still suffering from the issues I had when I was 13. I think my report card said something like:
Doesn’t work well with others
Does not respond well to authority
Hasn’t worked up to potential
Not to mention the other teen (adult) issues like breakups (divorce), betrayal by friends (stabbed in the back by coworkers), can’t afford all the trendy clothes (cars), and generally feeling worthless (generally feeling worthless). The only thing that changed about me over the years is that my grammar & spelling got marginally better. Still can’t communicate for beans.
Meow…. I am 48 since 14-dec-2016–and fine with it. Age is in your head anyways, I know chicks half of my age being mathronas…, they giving me advices and stuff like they would be my grannies… and I am 20 yrs older than them irl, come onnn…
To be honest, I thought I was the only one who did this…haha. Glad to know I’m not. I will usually write long rants and then delete them because I’m worried I might offend someone or make someone worry or just waste space.
28 comments
Hey!
It happens when we are confused i guess.
Only all the time. But for me, it’s because during episodes, my brain makes it hard for me to organize thoughts. That’s why they considered schizophrenia for a bit. I’m not schizophrenic though. A lot of times, I have the words, but they aren’t real words, but ones I made up, and I forget that no one understands them but me. Then there’s the difficult task of remaining on topic or remembering what the topic was in the first place.
Does something similar happen to you, or am I way off?
I don’t necessarily think its staying on topic that is the issue for me. I write it and then proofread and think….this is shit. It is indecipherable.
That makes sense. What do you think makes it indecipherable?
I guess that I don’t even understand what I am feeling and trying to explain it seems unachievable.
Sometimes you feel like there is so much you want to say…. just nobody to listen or care so yeah, you erase it all. Trying to hold on, trying to be smart and not -drama queen/king-, or just to not humiliate yourself. Another day passes, and you are hurting and hurting and hurting… and it piles up. In our society, showing feelings or scars, troubles, pain is equal to weakness and gives you eternal mark of a – LOSER -, an aura of almost plague, nobody wants to come near….
We spend our real lives trying not to be drama queens. I think most of us come here to say what we really feel.
Sometimes it just feels good to express ourselves through writing with no particular point intended. That’s why I keep a journal. I’ll notice when I’m highly stressed to the point of suicide I can write out what is bothering me and instantly feel better.
Daily
Completely unrelated but I didn’t want to post twice in a day but I just took the Zung self rate depression scale test psychiatrists use and rated 67 points. Depressed is usually 51-69 max points 80. Just….on my mind.
Thats awful but yeah, I do get it and am not surprised… scale of sadness and depression is actually something soooo hard to determine, or measure. Lame enough to say, I am glad we have this site where we, wackos, can speak our minds and compare our dang, without being stigmatised…
This place is filled with more misfits and wackos than anywhere else I know. They are also the most caring, golden-hearted, feeling and honest people I know. I need this community and care for this community more than I can explain.
The funny thing to me is that I feel like everyone here is normal lol and that I can be normal as a result simply by having a place to be myself. Is anyone familiar with the Icarus project ? I’ve felt that way there too but the community doesnt seem to be as active anymore.
I am very grateful for you and everyone here.
It happens to me almost every time I try to type.
I do this every time I try to type something. But usually I try typing when I’m still freshly emotional. In the middle of my breakdown, there’s too many thoughts going on in my head and I just want to get it all out. Then when I reread it, I can have five thoughts within one sentence. And I’m like no one is going to understand this but me and the people who did this to me, so I delete it and try again when my brain has processed everything.
Don’t delete anything, go with it, post it. Don’t keep it inside and why? All of us doing it for ages thats why we ended here… Please DO share. You might open someone’s else closed locked, people need to pour out their pain, their misery, fears and …just themselves. Don’t hold. This is the free-zone, please do share, we all need to know we are NOT alone in this or the other – oddness- of ours. <3
IvyIvy has a good point here…. Let it out! Could be cathartic.
I was dashing trough the posts… how many people here are actually adults, with adult issues
(not saying it is all teenage drama, don’t get me wrong), but yeah… am I doing something wrong around here?
Nope I’m positively ancient.
Definitely an adult IvyIvy! Trying to be anyway. Lol. I wasn’t sure if you are too it’s reassuring to know you are 🙂
Define “adult issues”? :p
I’m a few decades old, and I’m still suffering from the issues I had when I was 13. I think my report card said something like:
Doesn’t work well with others
Does not respond well to authority
Hasn’t worked up to potential
Not to mention the other teen (adult) issues like breakups (divorce), betrayal by friends (stabbed in the back by coworkers), can’t afford all the trendy clothes (cars), and generally feeling worthless (generally feeling worthless). The only thing that changed about me over the years is that my grammar & spelling got marginally better. Still can’t communicate for beans.
Salt you left off binge eating and anorexia.
Seems like a good mix. I’m 28 with a wife and 2 kids.
Meow…. I am 48 since 14-dec-2016–and fine with it. Age is in your head anyways, I know chicks half of my age being mathronas…, they giving me advices and stuff like they would be my grannies… and I am 20 yrs older than them irl, come onnn…
These issues are universal regardless of age.
To be honest, I thought I was the only one who did this…haha. Glad to know I’m not. I will usually write long rants and then delete them because I’m worried I might offend someone or make someone worry or just waste space.
A lot of reasons. Thanks for sharing this.
Always