Suicide thoughts

I went thro a lot of stuff the last couple years. I lost all my friends, i live alone, and practically have no family. I cant talk about my problems to anyone except to myself. i think about killing myself about 50% of the day, and all through the night. I wend to the doctor and psychotherapy. It didnt work out for me. I tried antidepressants but it makes me feel even less alive, and id rather be sad then just could. Feeling something is better than nothing for me. So basicly all i managed to do the last 3 years is loose the fuew friends that i had, fail miserably with all the women i liked and loose the interest in everyone and everything. Im having a relapse. Every night after work i go home, drink and take drugs, sometimes they help and make me feel a bit alife for a short period. I tried changing, did everything i can, and now i run out of energy to do anything. Im now depresive for about 10 years and i just cant stand it any more.