Well, I got my reply.

Over the weekend I think I finally hit rock bottom.   I tried so desperately to get an answer or reasons  for things that  have been completely out of my control.  I learned the hard way to just let things go.

I saw our love as perfect and honest.   He saw it as suffocating and disgusting.   He felt chocked by me;  hopelessly controled  by me,  to the point where he claims that all of it made him sick.

It hurts when the person you once loved more than anything views you as this selfish and insane creature.  This miserable being that all she wants is to make you more like her;  to selfishly harm make you lose yourself.  He decided to keep it all in and not talk to me about his feeling.  In his head, he created that dark place where I was the enemy and decided cut me down.  He found comfort in someone else and let everything about us get twisted and turned ugly.

Even still I try and explain.  I’ve always wanted him to do better.   I was always willing to help him in anything if only he’d ask.  I’m not the creature he’s made me out to  be.   I never was.  But it’s too late now.  He’s turned it into something that he would rather forget.   He didn’t see me at all.   He chose to just throw it all away and do things himself since he couldn’t do them while I was still in the picture.

I accept it.  How can you fight for someone that completely despises you? I have lost the will to try and change the way he sees me.  Someone that’s set in his mind that I will never be able to let him reach his goals is just not worth it.

For once in my life,  I will let things be. 

There is nothing more to say.