Hi?

Hello. Nice to meet you. This happens to be my first post here.

This justa lameass rant. It’s probably not worth your time. Okay, so I’ve been going through this website for a while. I made an account but I let it go though because things started looking up. I thought this year would have been great but … Shit happened. I have two amazing friends both have gone through tough spots and understand me.

One of them has gotten depressed recently. He’s about a month older then me but I think of him as a younger brother. He tried to commit suicide. He was asking about knife choices. I chose the knife he was going to kill himself with. I kept pestering him though as to why he wanted a knife, he didn’t tell me. He just said it was cool. Then he let it slip. I was in so much pain, I chose the knife he was going to kill himself with. That was on the 31st of December.

On the first a kid died in his arms. He can’t sleep or eat. I’ve been staying up with him. I don’t know what to do. I stopped cutting when I was 12. I was clean for four years until January 1st. Whoop di do, Happy new year to you. I’m trying to pull myself back up. I have support from my other friend too but I just can’t keep everything in. The other one, he doesn’t know about the suicide attempts or maybe he does. I won’t talk. This one stayed up with me. I kept asking him to sleep though but he says “This is the least I can do for my little sister.” So I let him distract me with philosophical discussions.

I don’t even know why I am doing this. Maybe it’s a cry for help. Maybe my resolve to keep secrets is cracking. Maybe I had too much chocolate.